GW: And The Old Hag/A.N.F.S. Completely Insane!
by Lizzy1
Summary: GW: And The Old Hag/And Now For Something Completely Insane! Parody of the classic Monty Python movie! And a few others...Staring- The Beatles and the G-Boys! ~*NEW*~ BLOOPERS!!! R+R! Please enjoy the story, `ol chaps!
1. Gundam Wing: And The Old Hag I

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The Old Hag

Gundam Wing and The Holy Grail 

(Gundam Wing de den Holie Grailen Old Hagen)

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Written and performing by:

Trowa Barton

Dorothy Catalonia 

Eric Idle

Treaze Kushranada

Duo Maxwell

Lucretza Noin

Milliardo Peacecraft

Relena Peacecraft

Sally Po

Lizzy Rocket

Lady Une

Quatre R. Winner

Chang Wufei

Heero Yuy

(Roten nik Akten di)

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With:

Freakazoid

Tim the Enchanter

Robins Minstrels

(Wik)

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Also appearing:

Bob Franklin

Austin Michles

Ryan Mike

Josh Lidos

Stephanie Freely

Mike Polers 

Jake Tolos

Rachel Finnei

Alex Newmen

Greg Rustle

Richard Mikenly

Kelly Rodston

Jessie James 

Michel Jackson

And many others…

(Also wik)

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Also also appearing:

The old hag

The holy hand grenade of Antioch

The French guards 

The trogon rabbit 

The Black Knight

And so on…

(Also also wik)

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Special thanks to:

Terry Gilliam

Terry Jones

Eric Idle 

Michael Palin

John Cleese

Graham Chapman

(Wi not trei holiday in sweden this yër?)

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I thank them for writing the first one…:

Or else I wouldn't be able to write this one…

(See the loveli lakes)

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Why I thank them:

I don't want to be sued…

(The wonderful telephone system)

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Animals provided by:

The Zoo

(and mani interesting furry animals)

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Moose provided by:

The Zoo…

(including the majestic moose)

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Stunt moose's provided by:

My sister and brother in a costume…

(a moose once bit my sister…)

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Lighting provided by:

Quatre's mechanic team

(No realli! She was karving her initals on the moose with the sharpened end of an interspace toothbrush given her by Svenge-her-brother-in-law-an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian movies: "The Hot Hands on The Oslo Dentist." "Fellings of Passion." "The Huge Molars of Horst Nordfink."___)

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We apologise for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible have been sacked.

(Mynd you, moose bits kan be pretti nasti…)

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We apologise again for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible for sacking the people have just been sacked.

Moose Trained by: Yutte Hermsgervordenbrotbor

Special moose effects: Olaf Prot

Moose costumes: Siggi Churchill 

Moose trained to mix concrete and sign complicated document forms by: Jurgen Wigg

Moose choreographed by: Horst Prot III

Moose nose whiped by: Bjorn Irekekstom-Slater Walk

Moose also trained by: Bo Been

Suggestive poses for the moose suggested by: Vic Rotter

The directors of the film hired to continue the credits after the other people had been sacked, wish it to be known that they have been sacked.

The credits have been completed in an entirely different style at great expense and at the last moment.

Executive producer

John Goldstone and 'Ralph' the wonder Llama

Assisted by:

Milt Q. Llama

Mirol Z. Llama

Sy Llama

Earl J. Llama

Reg. Llama of Brixton

140 Mexican whooping Llamas are used

England 134 AD

(Our story begins with our King, Heero, coming over a hill in the normal fashion, galloping like a horse, followed by his trusty servant patsy, played by Trowa who is banging two empty halves of coconut together to make it sound like horse hooves.)

(They come to a castle and man pops out)

Heero: Hello, up there! I am Heero from the court of Camelot! I have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land.

Man: ridden on what a donkey?

Heero: NO…

Man: But that's what the script says!

Heero: Look at it again

(Patsy is juggling while the Man looks at his script)

Man: Ok! I got it now! What ridden on a horse? 

Herro: Yes!

Man: You're using coconuts!

Heero: So…can I talk to the lord of this castle?

Man: Where did you get the coconuts?

Heero: What do you mean?

Man: the coconut's tropical!

Heero: the sparrow may fly south for winter and the toucan seeks warmer climbs in winter yet these are not strangers to our land?

Man: Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?

Heero: not at all! they could be carried!

Man: what? a toucan carrying a coconut?! 

Heero: lets forget about the coconuts for a second! Can I talk to your lord and master?!

Man: in order to maintain air speed velocity a toucan has to beet its wings 400 times a second am I right?

Heero: Please!

Man: Am I right?!

Heero: I'm not interested!

Man#2: It could have been carried by and African toucan!

Man#1: oh yeah and African toucan maybe but not a European toucan!

Man#2: oh yeah your right.

(The men keep discussing coconuts as Heero and patsy walk off)

Heero: Well that was stupid…

Patsy nods his head in agreement

(The seen changes to a low life's town somewhere near Heero)

(A man who looks almost excsacly like Duo is yelling—(this is because of the black pelage in England))

Man#3: (bong) Bring out your dead animals! (Bong) bring out your dead animals!

Man#4: I have a dead penguin for you

Penguin: I'm not dead!

Man#3: he can talk!!

Man#4: No he can't…

Penguin: I'm not a Penguin…

Man#4: yes you are your just delirious… 

Man#3: I can't take him like that.

Penguin: I think I'll go for a walk…

Man#4: your not fooling anyone you know…

Man#3: I still can't take him.

Penguin: I fell fine

Man#4: Oh shut up…

Penguin: I fell happy, so happy!!

(Man#3 takes his stick and kills the penguin just to shut him up)

Man#4: Thanks very much…

Man#3: no problem.

(At that moment Heero and Patsy walk through the street)

Man#4: who is that?

Man#3: Must be a King…

Man#4: why do you say that?

Man#3: He hasn't got {censored} all over him… 

(The seen again changes to Heero and Patsy walking through the forest the screen starts to dramatically switch back and forth to a man in a red suit fighting with a man in a black suit, until the man in the back suit won) 

Heero: You fight with the strength of many men good sir knight! Will you join me at my court of Camelot!

Black Knight: …

Heero: I look for the strongest and bravest in the land!

Black knight: …

Heero: You remind me of Trowa…but still you make me sad…so be it! Come patsy!

Black knight: None shall pass!

Heero: What?!

Black knight: None shall pass!

Patsy: He speaks!

Heero: Patsy! You speak! But I must pass this bridge!

Black knight: then you shall die!

Heero: So be it!

(In the background fighting music is playing while The Black Knight and Heero are fighting with their swords, until Heero cut off The Black Knights arm.)

Heero: I have victory now stand aside!

Black Knight: You haven't!

Heero: I have! Your arms off!

Black knight: no it isn't!

Heero: then what's that then?

(Heero points to his arm witch is on the ground)

Black Knight: 'tis but a scratch!

Heero: A Scratch?! Your arms off!

Black Knight: I've had worse

Heero: You liar!

Black Knight: Come On ya pansy!

(Author: Ok…Ok…To make a long story short…

Every one on the set: TO LATE!

Author: ¬-¬…were just going to skip to the part about the witch…OK?!

Everyone on the set: OK!

Author: They can be so pushy sometimes!)

Heero: How come we skipped the Black Knight scene!

Author: Not you too!

Heero: How come?!

Author: Fine you wanna skip this scene too?

Heero: Well…

Author: Do Ya?

Patsy: Yes!

Author: OK now were going on to the next seen!

Heero: TROWA!!!

Author: **laughs**

Many others were to become of King Arthur's round table…

(BONG!) Eric Idle: Start again! (Suddenly bucktoofus the clown comes out and waves at the crowd) 

Many others were to become of _Herro's _round table; such as- 

Miliardo…The Tall 

Wufei…The Brave 

Quatre…The Pure

Duo…The God of Death

And Trowa…the not so brave of Wufei, who bailey fought the chicken of brixtle and who accidentally lost his memory at the battle of Baden hill. 

There was also one more to join them but died…we have dubbed him Sir Not Appearing In This Fic…

Author: OK! Now since we skipped a bunch of scenes…we now come to seen 14! …Ok…Ok…so you caught on…yes this one is a lot like the movie! So what! I know all of the people out there reading this have seen the movie!! Well most people for that matter…but anyway…heres seen 14! Enjoy!

King Heero and his knights are walking up a hill…sorry I mean galloping up a hill when the clouds open…

A Creepy voice: Arthur! Arthur!

Duo: Who the {censored} is Arthur?

(A man comes out the clouds that appears to be god)

God: Wait…your not Arthur?

(God pulls out his script and reads it over)

Everyone except god: ¬-¬

God: Ok! Ok! I get it now! Heero! Heero!

Heero: ¬-¬ what do you want?

God: I am here to set you on a quest!

Quatre: Do you mean for the Holy Grail?

God: Why, yes!

Wufei: oy…those other guys already found it!

God: they did?

The g-boys: ¬-¬…Yes…

God: Well…uh…you…can…uh…! Look for the old hag! 

Duo and Wufei grumble something

God: what did you two say?

Duo: What! Who! Me?! But!

Wufei: don't even try…

Trowa: what's going on!?

(Everyone looks at trowa)

Duo: uh oh, not again!

(Quatre smacks his own head in despair)

Quatre: Trowa come on!

(Wufei picks Trowa up by the collar and shacks him then throws him down.)

Duo: …¬-¬ what was the point of that…

Wufei: trust me…

Miliardo: **sigh**

Heero: OK!!! Look we'll look for the old hag person thing..! 

Trowa: …

God: OK! She looks like this!

(God holds up a picture of a beautiful woman)

Heero: She's an old hag?! **Smiles**

Duo: Growl! **Howls** 

(God looks at the picture)

Trowa: …

God: Whoops did I call her an old hag! Wrong pic!

(God pulls out another picture of an old woman that is banging a cat against a wall)

Trowa: …

(Duo starts laughing and Wufei raises an eyebrow.)

Quatre: uh…

Heero: …o…k…**sweat-drop** 

Duo whispers to Heero: do we have to?

Trowa: …

Heero: unfortunately…yes…

God: Ok! Now that that's over! 

(Everyone looks at God in confusion.)

(God takes Duo by the ear)

Trowa: …

God: naughty, naughty! Don't you know theirs only one God!

Duo: {censored} {censored} {censored}!!!!

Wufei: oh boy…

(God starts to ascend in the clouds dropping Duo.)

(Wufei jumps on a cloud and starts fling around (details about this sentence at bottom))

Trowa: It's the O!

All the G-boys: ¬-¬`

Quatre: Wufei! That's not in the script! 

Wufei stops; flies down to the ground and pulls out his script to read it.

Duo: **sweat-drops and gets up** 

Wufei: oops…

Trowa: …where did the O go? 

(Duo hits Trowa in the head with a large mallet.)

(Trowa passes out.)

Miliardo to Duo: thank you! 

Duo: I think I did us all a favor…

Trowa: **grown** 

Heero: **a-hem** lets go!!!

God: Ok! Bu-bye! 

(All the g-boy mount their horses and Heero ties Trowa to his horse and they ride away…)

And so our story begins!

Monty Python and the Holy…

(Bong!) Eric Idle: Start again!

(Bucktoofus the clown comes out and waves at the crowd again)

Sorry…Gundam Wing and The Old Hag!

Announcer guy: And so our story begins with our brave Knights of the round table. Wufei, Duo, Miliardo, Quatre, and Trowa…the one who loses his memory a lot…

Trowa: **whines** 

Heero: Shut up…

Duo: hey! Since Trowa is playing one of the guys of the round table, who's playe`n the roll of patsy?! 

Author: Well, uh…

Duo: uh oh, this isn't gonna be good…

Author: depending on what you call good…

Duo: who then!

Author: well…heh…heh…**sweat-drop** Michele Jackson…

Duo: {censored} {censored} {censored}!!!!!!

Heero: **cringes** 

Trowa: **Losses his memory and doesn't remember what anyone is talking about**

Miliardo: can't you do something?

Author: I guess so…**smiles evilly and grabs M.J. and forces him off the set, then brings in Freakazoid**

Duo: Better…

Freakazoid: what do you mean better!!! I am great!!(starts running around as if he's fling)

Duo: …ok then…let's get on with the story…please…

Heero: yes…lets…

Author: Ok!

And so our story continues with our brave Knights of the Round Table, after the little dilemma with patsy…

To be continued… 

Lizzy (Author): The line about Wufei flying on a cloud was dreamed by: Dewgong! A person I do not know what so ever and do not wish to know. If you have complaints about the line don't e-mail me…because I was not the one to dream it up! You have to e-mail her…not me…because I did not write it! E-mail her at kara@vojy.com …I …I…oops…yeah so I do know her so sew me! (Sorry about the Mo-jo-jo-jo effect) 

END!


	2. Gundam Wing: And The Old Hag II

Part II of:

Gundam Wing and The Old Hag

Last time, Freakazoid had become Patsy, and uh… Trowa had lost his memory…

Duo: Where are we goen` now?

Wufei: How should I know…ask the almighty king…

Heero: Very funny…

(Meanwhile, Freakazoid is running around acting like he's flying in the background)

Heero: We're heading for Camelot…remember?

Trowa: No…

All: ¬-¬`

~5 minutes later~

Quatre: Look!

Milliardo: Camelot!

Heero: Camelot!

Wufei: that's not Camelot! 

Duo: Yeah! He's right! Who's that woman?!

(An old woman is seen on the side of the castle banging a cat against the wall.)

Wufei: Hey isn't that the old…

(Wufei is cut off by Duo)

Duo: Maybe we can ask her where the Old Hag is!!

All: ¬-¬`

Quatre: Duo, that _is _the old hag…

Duo: Oh…

Heero: What are we waiting for? Let's go catch her!

Wufei: Ok…

(They all gallop over to the woman)

Heero: Old woman! 

Old woman: Who are you calling old? (Takes off her hood)

The knights: **Gasp**

Heero: It's…it's…_you…_

Duo: No {censored} way!!

Milliardo: What the {censored} are you doing here?!

Author: The woman in **cough-cough** Noin…just in case you have figured that out yet…

Noin: I had to leave the castle Anthrax to come here and fill in for the old woman…

Duo: Hag…

Noin: Whatever…

Heero: Do you know where she went? 

Noin: No…I hear she got a urgent message from a castle tower…but I gotta go…I have to get back and give Pigglet and Crapper their medical training…Buy!

(Milliardo comes out from behind a bush)

Milliardo: Is she gone?

All: Yes…

(A Frenchman pokes his head out the top of the castle)

Frenchman: Hello!

Freakazoid: (doing a Bob Hope impression) Well, the guy, at the top! Hewo!! Hiya! How ya doen!? Wooo!!

All: RRRRightttt…

Duo (while stepping in front of Freakazoid): …well uh…Hello!

Frenchman: Well uh…if ayou vant ze holy grail…we don have it no more!

Wufei: What are you doing in England?

Frenchman: Zats none of you're busyness you English pigdog!!

Duo: …look at the script…

Frenchman (in a more American voice): what do you mean?

Duo: …none of us are English…

Freakazoid: Yeah! I'm not Engish! I am Insaino! 

Frenchman (in the French accent again): Sorry! I mean you…uh…people from many different country…pigdogs! … (Thinking: that was pathetic…)

Duo: Um…well…

Wufei: Can we ask you a question?

Frenchman: You just did!

Wufei: Can I ask you a…different question?

Frenchman: You just did!

Duo: …oi…

Wufei: Now you numbskull! Can I…

(Duo covers Wufei's mouth before he can finish)

Duo: We won't bother you anymore…

Frenchman: Well, then I'm gonna bother you! You stupid Kinnnnnnn-nigets!

Freakazoid: the man with the funny accent gone an said bad words `bout my master! Now Patsy gonna get cha!!!!!

(Freakazoid flies up to where the Frenchman is and starts beating him up…)

Duo: …o…k…

Wufei: I'm with you…

Trowa: …

Heero: I've got a good mind to fire him…

(Freakazoid flies back down)

Freakazoid: Mon-Clavin!

Milliardo to author: this guy has got to go…

Author: o…k… but I don't have very many people for you to replace him with…

Frenchman: (weakly) your mother…was a…**cough** hamster!

Milliardo: Ok…Who then?

Author: Well…um…we have…

Duo: not Michael Jackson!!

Author: OK!

Wufei: Thank you!

Author: We have…(game show music plays in background) Michael Jack…

Duo: NOOOOOOO!!

Author: Fine! We have Treiz Kushranada!

Wufei: GOD NO!

Author: o…k…

Frenchman: And your…father…**cough** smelt of Elder berries! **Faints**

Freakazoid to Heero: You Really want to get rid of me? **Sniff** 

Heero: Yes…

Freakazoid: WHAAAAA!!

Frenchman: I have an…idea…UGH

Duo: What?

Frenchman: **gets up** why not take the Minstrels?

Wufei: Minstrels?

Milliardo: Uh…Oh…

(Faint music plays in background)

Quatre: He doesn't mean _those_ Minstrels does he?

(Music gets louder)

Duo: Oh {Censored}…

Heero: Well…it's better than Freakazoid…

Freakazoid: WHAAAA! You don` like me!

Duo: No doy…

Freakazoid: Why?

Quatre: Duo, that wasn't very nice…

Duo: So…

Quatre: you have a point…

Frenchman: Here!

There is a small cracking noise coming from the top of the castle.

Duo & Wufei: Is that what I think it is?

Wufei: I dunno…

Suddenly all the minstrels come flying over the castle wall.

Duo: Holy crap! Run!

Frenchman: Haw, haw, and haw! Yes! Run you chickens!

Duo: Who you callen` a chicken!

Duo runs up to the castle but is pulled back by Quatre.

Duo: {Censored} {Censored}!

Quatre: Sorry, Duo, but that was just too perilous…

All: ¬-¬`

Trowa: What's going on?

All: ¬-¬`

Frenchman: Haw, haw, and haw! Look at you, you stupid pigdogs!

Duo: Grrrr…

Wufei: I'm gonna get that weakling…

Duo: Me too!

They both charge at the castle.

Frenchman: Picha da batch!

Frenchman#2: Wha?

Frenchman: Picha da batch!

Duo: Huh?

Quatre: If my memory serves me right…that means 'pitch the animals'…

Trowa: …

Heero: This won't end well…

Millions of animal calls come from inside the castle walls.

Quatre: They wouldn't! That's animal abuse! 

Wufei & Duo: ????

Duo and Wufei both look up just as a penguin begins to yell.

Penguin: NO! Don't throw me!!

Heero: That voice sounds familiar…

Suddenly a penguin was launched over the castle wall.

Freakazoid: (Doing his Bob Hope impression) Hey! Did anyone wemeber that I'm, like, still here?!

Duo: No one cares! Just run before these animals get a sudden urge to go to the bathroom!!

Wufei: Animals are weak!

Trowa: …

Duo: Wufei you just called yourself weak…

Wufei: NOOOOOO!!

Duo: That's my line!

A cow hits Freakazoid.

Freakazoid: NOO! Not a cow!! My only weakness!! (Screams like a girl)

Wufei: HA! See I'm not weak! Freakazoid is weak!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Duo hits Wufei over the head with a large mallet.

Duo: That was getting annoying…

All: No doy!

Quatre: Should we just leave Freakazoid?

Heero: YES!!!

Quatre: O.K…

Everyone walks over to a ditch as Wufei wakes up…

Wufei: Injustice!!

Duo: OK! Just Shut up for a sec will ya?!

Wufei: Humph…

Trowa: I have a plan…

All: ???

Milliardo: _You_ have a plan? What?

Trowa: To attack the French people!

Duo: This is a one in a life time experience! Trowa actually said more than one sentence _and_ he has a plan! Wow!

Wufei: Tell me about it…

Heero: Well…what is it?

Trowa: Well…(Fades into a whisper) 

~20 minutes later~

There is a creaking noise coming from the woods near the French castle…and the French guard has a stunned look on his face when he sees what it is...

Frenchman: Haw, haw, and haw?

Freakazoid and Robins minstrels are seen pushing what looks like a giant wooden Gundam…or should I say trogon Gundam…

Heero: I mush say this is the brightest plan you've ever had!

Trowa: Heh…

Freakazoid: Did I do good? 

Minstrels: o/`We did good…did good yes we did! o/`

Milliardo: oi…

Freakazoid: What do I do next?

Trowa: Well, Freakazoid, you have to telleport the minstrels inside the trogon gundam…

Freakazoid: OK!

Freakazoid sits down, feet crossed, in a trance…then gets out of it…

Freakazoid: I just remembered something! 

Duo: What?

Freakazoid: I can't telleport things!

Quatre: Ho, boy…

Out of nowhere a Taco appears just as a moose goes flying over head.

Taco: Hello!

Duo: Who the {censored} are you?

Taco: I am the all knowing all doing taco, who can do anything! I can leap the tallest buildings! I am faster than a speeding bullet!

Duo: Yeah, yeah, yeah…OK, superman…we get the point…what do you want?

Taco: I am Freakazoids sidekick! The network just hired me today! And I can telleport things!

Freakazoid: WOW! My very own taco sidekick! Mr. Devils gone overboard this time! WOW! This is facinating! When I am fighting crime and get hungry, you'll be there Taco boy! 

Wufei: …right…really who knew, huh? Can you just…telleport them…then go away??

Freakazoid: OK!

Duo: YES! WOOOOO!! Fei! Has done it again!

Wufei: Um…yeah…

The Taco telleports the minstrels into the trogon gundam and the Frenchman just happen to pick it up right after he did so…

Duo: ok…now what happens?

Trowa: You'll see…

Wufei: …

Heero: …

~After many …'s they hear a strange kind of music playing from the castle~

Duo: Is that what I think it is?

Quatre: I think it is…

Suddenly all of the Frenchmen run out of the castle screaming like little girly men…

Freakazoid: (dramatically) Well, citizens… I guess our work here…I done! (Whips a tear from eye) Good bye! 

All: R…i…g…h…t… 

Freakazoid and Taco boy then disappear into the distance… 

Duo: Well there's somthin` you don't see every day…

Wufei: You're tellen` me?

Trowa: …

Heero: Well…we got the French out of the castle… now what?

Milliardo: Beats me…

Freakazoid reappears in the distance… 

Freakazoid: Hey Guys! (Does Darth Vadder impression) Before I go! Know this! **breaths like Darth Vadder** I am your father…

All: really?

Freakazoid: No not really! Just thought I'd say that…just for the heck of it…

Duo: o…k…

Wufei: Well…here we are again with absolutely nothing to do…

Author: well… um… we have to get to the next scene now, guys…

All: Oh…

The producers of this Fan Fiction do believe that we should add in something a bit different… so here you go!

Eric Idle: (is talking to someone off stage) but this is John Cleese's line! …Well I know that…well I know that too but…

Man-off-stage: You're on…Eric…

Eric Idle: Oh I am! Sorry! (Bong) Start again!

(Bucktufus comes out yet again and waves at the crowd)

Eric Idle: And now for something completely different!

The Story of Wufei!

Wufei: Well here I am! And this is that story about…me…

Author: Just get on with it…

Wufei: Fine! (walks over to where he is supposed to start his lines) Ok…I guess I'm ready…

Man-off-stage: OK! In 5-4-3-2 (Click)

One of the minstrels is following Wufei around in a marsh area…

Wufei: Well Concord…or…whatever your name is…we have to wait till next time to see what happens…

Minstrel: o/` That is too bad…too bad yes it is…o/`

Wufei: Oh well…

TO BE CONTINUED…

Author: Be sure to read the next episode! 


	3. Gundam Wing: And The Old Hag III

Part III of

Gundam Wing and The Old Hag

Last time Wufei and Concord were walking in a marshy area…

Wufei: Um…well…come Concord…

Minstrel (Concord): o/` I am coming…coming yes I am! o/`

Wufei: Right…

Some priests walk into sight…

Priests: Be a es sue doe me nae…doe na ee es requiem…(they all hit themselves in the head with a piece of wood…)

Wufei: Man this town is weird…

Minstrel: o/` Yes it is…Weird yes it is…o/`

Wufei: I hope the others have to go through this torture…

~Where Duo is~

Duo is seen sitting in a hot tub being fanned by beautiful Asian women…

Duo: Ah…this is the life…

Author: …Duo…

Duo: What?! 

Author: As comfortable as you may be…we don't have a permit to have hot tubs on the set…

Duo: God {Censored} it...

Author: And where did those Asia women come from?

Duo: Asia of course!

Author: …

Duo: There really from the movie that's being filmed next door…

Author: Just as I thought…

Duo: Fine! 

~After the Asian women are gone and the hot tub was tossed…~

Duo: Well…now what am I supposed to do?

Author: nothing!

Duo: …

~Where Heero and Milliardo are~

Heero is trying to talk to a bunch of priests…

Heero: DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

Priests: Be a es sue doe me nae…(whack) 

Milliardo: …this is getting us nowhere…

Heero: Na…ya think…we mind as well blindly wonder through that forest over there…(points)

Minstrel: o/` I am scared…of the dark…please do not go! Oh, please do not go! o/`

Milliardo: …

Heero: We have to go…

Minstrel: o/` NOOOOO! o/`

Milliardo stuffs the minstrel inside a small leather bag…

Heero: good thinking…

Minstrel: (struggle) o/` Helep me…helep! o/`

Heero punches the bag.

The whining songs stop…

Milliardo: Well…lets get going…

Heero: Right.

~1 hour later~

Heero: Ok…this is ri-god-{censored}-diculous!

Milliardo: …

Heero: We've been wondering around here for 2 hours!

Author: one…

Heero: one!

Milliardo: Author person…can you…um add something…a bit…exciting to this…_boring_…predicament…

Author: …(thinks)…OK!

There is a sudden cracking noise coming from up ahead…

Heero: Th-thank y-you…(shivers) 

They begin to gallop forward…as they do millions of people are appearing in the woods…until…

Knight: NI!

Heero: Huh?

Knight: NI!

Milliardo: …

Knight: You're supposed to be scared…

Heero: Of what?

Knight: …read the script…

Heero and Milliardo pull out a script and read over it while all of the knights of NI are playing hopscotch…

Heero: Oh…I see now…

Milliardo: …

Heero: You need to cut down on the …'s Milliardo, or you'll end up like Trowa!

Milliardo: YIK!

Knight: That's more like it!

Other Knight: NO!! He said the word!

Knight: NOOO!!! I am cursed! Oh well…

Heero: -k- then…

Milliardo whispering to Heero: They are the Knights of 'NI' people that encounter them seldom live to tell the tale…

Heero: that sounded so corny… 

Knight: The Knights of 'NI!' demand a sacrifice!

Heero: What do you request oh Knights of 'NI'?

Knight: We demand…a BUSH!!

Milliardo: A-hem…

Knight: Whoops… I mean…a SHRUBBERY!(DUN NA!)

Heero: Not a Shrubbery!

Knight: Yes! A Shrubbery!

Milliardo: Well…if we must…we must…

Heero: Right then! We shall be back!

~Where Quatre is~

Authors note: Those with Heart problems, or queze stomachs may not want to read this portion of the story…but if you want a few laughs I suggest you do…

Quatre: I don't like the way you said that…

Author: I know…(laughs)

Quatre: Well…since all the other minstrels are taken, I am all alone! (Thinking: YES!) Oh and um…where am I going again?

Author: The castle Anthrax…

Quatre: AHHHHH!!! NOOOO!!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!

Author: Sorry…

Quatre: (cries) Why me?

Author: Because…now just go!!

Quatre walks glumly to the door of the castle Anthrax…

A woman opens the door…who is…sadly…Dorothy…an he could see Hilde…*cough* …Sally…*hack* …Noin…*Choke* …Lady Une *Gag*…and…Realena *dies* behind her…

Quatre: this is too much…

Dorothy: Hello!

Quatre: Good buy!! (Runs as fast as he can away from the castle)

While he was running he ran into Duo…now they both have to sit around the studio doing nothing…

~Where Wufei is~

Wufei: OK! Let's go Concord! (Thinking: That sounded so corny)

Minstrel: o/` I am coming…coming yes I am! o/`

~Meanwhile…in a castle tower~ 

(Author: A man is yelling at a young prince, who seems rather pale and cock-eyed, you know he reminds me of a swallow…very white, and skinny, I wonder if he could carry a coconut from Africa to England…

Everyone on the set: GET ON WITH IT!

Author: Ok…)

Erbert (the young prince): But Mother…

Father (the man…): Father…I'm…father…

Erbert: But Brother…

Father: FATHER!

Erbert: But…father…

Father: But what?

Erbert: I don't want to marry her!

Father: Listen…you're marrying `er if it's the last thing I do! …I mean…You do!

Erbert: But…

Father: What??

Erbert: I'd just…rather…S-

(Music begins to play in background)

Father: NO!!!NO!!!NO!!!NO!!! NONE OF THAT! 

Erbert: …

Father: Listen…just stay here…

(two guards walk in…)

Guard#1: Hello…

Guard#2: Hmm…

Father: AH! Yes! Come in, you need to stay here and make sure he doesn't leave…

Guard#1: Ok…make sure you don't leave…

Father: No…make sure _he_ doesn't leave.

Guard#1: You mean the prince?

Father: Yes…

Guard#2: Hmm…*hick-up*

Father: ok…(walks out of room)

The two guards fallow him

Father: Where are you goen`?

Guard#1: We're comen` with you…

Father: Look…this scene goes on forever…just do as you're told…

Guard#1: Good Ideer!

Guard#2: Hick-up!

Father: Oh, go get a glass of water! (Stomps out)

Erbert sits at the window…mindlessly…like someone else we all know…then gets an idea…walks over to the table and scribbles something down…then sends it out the window with an arrow…the guards are ignorant and don't notice anything…

~Back where Wufei is…~

Wufei: Ok! Let's get on with it…

An arrow hits Concord in the stomach…

Minstrel: Ouchies…

Wufei: Oh no! He's dead! (Thinking: YES!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

He notices the note attached to the arrow…

Wufei: A note! (Reads) 

It read:

__

To Whom It May Concern: HELP, HELP, HELP, HELP, HELP…I am a young princess being held captive by my father…he wishes me to marry an awful woman…please HELP! From, Erbert, at the Swamp Castle…

Wufei: Well…at least its not Castle Anthrax…

Wufei runs off leaving the minstrel in the middle of nowhere…A small purple dog comes up to him…

Courage: Poor guy…

~Back at the Castle~

Wufei runs to the castle and kills half the people that are at the wedding celebration…he runs up the stairs to where Erbert is being held captive…

Wufei: (kneels to Erbert…) I am a knight of the round table and have come to rescue a poor damsel…(looks up then gets up) Oh, I'm terribly sorry…

Erbert: you came to rescue me!

Wufei: I…I…did?

Erbert: Yes! You did! And I have a rope all ready! (Pulls out a rope ties one end to the bed post…and the other out the window…) OK! Now let's go! (Goes out the window holding on to the rope…)

(The Father runs in)

Father: YOU! You did this!

Wufei: Well…um…you see…I…thought that your son was a lady…and…

Father: Well I can relate to that…

Wufei: Well…um…sorry…I kind of get carried away…

Erbert: I am ready! 

Father: (cuts rope) Yes…well…will you so kindly _get out_ before I call the authorities…

Wufei: Gladly…(runs)

~While running from the castle Wufei ran into Trowa…then they both went back to the studio with Duo and Quatre…and they had absolutely nothing to do!~ 

~Where Heero and Milliardo are~

Heero: Here! We got your Shrubbery! Now let us pass through!

Knight: Good! 'Tis` a nice Shrubbery! But we demand another sacrifice! 

Milliardo: WHAT?!

Knight: YES!! We are no longer the knights who say 'NI' we are now the knights who say, 'IKY IKY IKY IKY IKY PATANG ZOOBOING ZOWWW…'

Knight-in-the-background: ni…

Knight: SH! 

Heero: Well what do you want oh knights who say Ik…Well…um…knights who so recently sat 'NI'?

Knight: We demand…another Shrubbery!(DUN NAA!)

Milliardo: WHY?!

Knights: Just do it! And after you get it you shall place it next this one…only little higher as to get the little path effect!

Knights-in-background: Yes! A path…a path!

Knight: THEN! You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest…with!!! A MOOSE! 

Heero&Milliardo: ???NO WAY!

Knight: Oh please!

Heero: Well do nothing of it!

Knight: OH! Don't say the word!

Heero: What is it?

Knight: AH! There _it _is again!

Heero: ?

Milliardo: Let's just…leave before we…um…

Heero: We don't need an excuse to leave just do it!

Knight: AHHH! Stop, don't say _it_!

Heero and Milliardo walk away…over the river a through the woods to the studio they go! When they all met up…They all set off for the Cave of wonders.

~Near the cave of wonders…~

A man is blowing a lot of stuff up and then walks over to the Knights who are now clapping…

Tim The enchanter: thank you!

Quatre: That was amazing!

Wufei: Oi…

Heero: …well hello! Could you direct us to the cave of wonders?

Tim: Yes…But! If you are a chicken I warn you! Turn back now! For death awaits you! With big Sharp pointy teeth!!

Wufei: I guess I'm the only one that can go!

Duo: Yeah…sure…

Quatre: Wufei, we're all going!

Wufei: Humph!

~5 minutes later~

They are all sitting behind some rocks at the mouth of the cave of wonders when a large Moose walks up.

Tim: There it is!

Wufei: What? Behind the moose?

Tim: It is the moose…

Trowa:!! You numbskull! 

Heero: !!

Trowa: You had me so scared I lost my memory!

All: ¬-¬`

The moose walks away…

Duo: There let's go…this is nuts! (Walks to the cave the moose doesn't move, Duo goes in, the moose doesn't move…)

Tim: How did he do that?!?!

Heero: There's the all mighty Duo Maxwell for ya…

Wufei: Yeah, sure…in his dreams…

Quatre: I think that's quite frequently… 

Trowa: Huh?

Quatre: Considering he watches the TV through his nostrils…

Wufei: (laughs) How true!

Duo: What are you guys doing out there?! Come on!

Heero: Ok…

They all walk into the cave, the moose doesn't move…

Tim: How did they do that?! Lemme try! (Walks toward the cave but is attacks by the moose) AHHH! 

Duo: What took you so long?

Quatre: Oh, nothing…

Wufei: (still laughing) 

Trowa:…

Duo: Hey! What's that? (Points to some writing on the wall)

It is written in a foreign language…

Heero: Quatre! You can read a bunch of languages! You read it!

Quatre: ok…I'll try…(looks at the wall) It says: Here lie the last word of the talking Penguin, let it be known that the old hag will be found in the castle OOOOOOOFFF…

Duo: OOOF?

Heero: Is that what he said?

Quatre: That's what it says! He must have gotten hit in the head when he was writing it…

Duo: Why the {censored} would he bother to write the word 'OOOF'?

Trowa: ??

There is a roar behind them…

Duo: Man somebody needs breath-mint…

Quatre: Geez…you're right…

They all turn around to find a Monster charging at them.

Duo: HOLY {censored} RUN!!

They all run until they are cornered by the beast…

Trowa: Nice monster…

Duo: uh…w-what do you want? 

Monster (In a civilized voice): Just someone to talk to…

All: ???

Monster: I am the all knowing monster! I am the brother of the all knowing all doing Taco…and the brother of the all doing dragon…

Duo: Then we know your brother…

Quatre: Oh, yeah…very well…

Trowa: If you are all knowing…than what is the meaning of life?

Monster: Now if I knew the meaning of life I wouldn't be sitting in a cave in my underwear…

Heero: He has a point…

Duo: I'll say…

Monster: Well, got any other questions?

Duo: Yeah! Where can we find the Old hag?

Monster: The castle of OOOF.

All: Right…

Wufei: Well we gotta be going…

Duo: Yeah, see ya…

Heero: I guess we're off to the castle OOOF…

Duo: Yeah…if it really exists… 

TO BE CONTINUED…


	4. Gundam Wing: And The Old Hag IV

Part IV of:

Gundam Wing and The Old Hag

Last time the boys met the brother of the all knowing all doing Taco and the all doing Dragon…he was a monster…^-^`` Well and they were headed out the door of the monsters cave, for the castle of OOOF, note: they haven't left yet…

Duo: Can we leave now…

Monster: Of Course! But before you do take this! **Throws a pill at Duo**

Duo: **Catches and reads the writing on the side of it** Use in case of emergency…Too late…

All: **Snigger**

The monster's brothers walk in along with Freakazoid…

Freakazoid: GUYS! WOOO! Look It's Heero!! Man Am I glad to see you again **Looks around and whispers** Well, frankly That Taco Guy is _really _weird…

Wufei: Look who talken`

Duo: **Smiles** Heh-heh…

Taco: HELLO ALL! 

Dragon: HI!

Monster: BROTHERS!

All: ?-? 

The Monster, Taco and Dragon talk for a minute then turn to the boys…

Monster: Well…

Taco: Bon-

Dragon: Voy-

Monster: Adge-

Freakazoid: BYE!!!!!!!!!

Announcer Guy: Suddenly the animator had a fatal Heart attack…

(The Animator is seen drawing the monster, taco, and dragon-then yells, the chair falls backwards, with his feet stuck up in the air…The Monster, Taco, and Dragon disappear. Freakazoid shrugs and walks away…)

All: …**All walk out…**

Duo: Remind me to sue Taco Bell…

All: …

~20 minutes later~ 

Quatre: …well…

Trowa: **sigh**

Duo: **Trips over a rock and hits a guy in the face…who is an old guy…standing in front of a bridge** GAHH!!

Wufei: YIY!

Old Guy: Who are you?

Heero: **sweat-drops** Umm…**Picks up Duo** I…am Heero from Camelot…

Old Guy: Well…if you want to cross, you'll have to answer 3 questions! If you answer one wrong you're cast into the pit of hot things!

Heero: What kind of name is that?

Old Guy: Well…don't ask me…ask the producer! 

Duo: Just ask the questions!

Old Guy: Ok…who wants to go first?

Milliardo: …ok…what are they?

Old Guy: Well…For one…Who are you?

Duo: **Looks over the ledge on the cliff which the bridge is over sees a landing bag and nods at Milliardo**

Milliardo: Milliardo Peacecraft…

Old Guy: What is you looken` for?

Milliardo: The Old hag…

Old Guy: Well what's your favorite Gundam?

Milliardo: My own, of course…

Old Guy: …Ok…Off you go… 

Milliardo: …Ok…thanks…**walks across bridge**

Duo: Well…that seemed easy enough…**walks up**

Old Guy: Who are you?

Duo: Duo Maxwell…

Old Guy: You lookin` for somethin`?

Duo: Yeah…

Old Guy: What is it?

Duo: My left shoe, I can't find it anywhere…

Old Guy: Really! Me Too! Go on across!

Duo: …-k-…

Quatre: …Well, I guess I'll go next…

Old Guy: What do you want?

Quatre: To cross the bridge!

Old Guy: {Censored} It I just wasted a question didn't I?

Quatre: Yes you did!

Old Guy: ARGG!!! I did it again! Well…What's your name?

Quatre: Quatre Rabarba Winner!

Old Guy: …Go on across…

Quatre: **thinking-Sucker…**

Heero: I'm next…

Old Guy: Well, Who are you?

Heero: I am Heero Yuy…

Old Guy: What's a famous quote of yours? 

Heero: I'm gonna kill you…

Old Guy: Well, now…what's the air speed velocity of a Toucan?

Heero: An African or European Toucan?

Old Guy: Well…I don't know that…**BONG!!**

The old Guy is tossed into the pit of hot things…

Trowa: How do you know so much about Toucans?

Heero: Read the first episode…

Trowa: Oh! **Pulls out the episode one and reads**

**they start to walk across the bridge**

~~INTERMISSION~~

Duo: Is that all for today?

Author: No sorry…you still have to do the rest of the story…

Duo: {censored}…

Wufei: **Sigh**

Milliardo: That last scene was strange…

All: ¬.¬``

Trowa: **reading the first episode** OH! So that's how!!

Heero: Yeah…

Author: …ok…Places everybody!

Everyone walks to the places where they begin…

Author: Ok and roll the title…

~~INERMISSION IS OVER~~

Author: Ok and action!

All the Gundam pilots walk over to a large body of water…the ocean…ok for those specific people out there…that Atlantic Ocean…

Duo: {censored} It, now how are we gonna get across this thing…

Wufei: Beats me…

Quatre: We can't swim to America…

Milliardo: We could use the Gundams…

Trowa: No…they haven't been in the story line…it wouldn't make sense…

Heero: Well…**thinks** HEY! Duo, where is that pill…thing?

Duo: Right here…*pulls a yellow pill out of pocket** Why?

Quatre: Read the rest of the instructions…may be it'll tell ya something…

Duo: Just add water…Well…there's lots of that here! **throws it in the water**

Suddenly the small yellow pill grows into an enormous Yellow Submarine…

Quatre: HEY! COOL BEANS! **Gets in**

Duo: WOOO!! Let's go! **Jumps in** 

Everyone else: OK! **Gets in**

Duo: Can I be the captain?!

Heero: No…

Duo: But he gave _me _the pill…

Heero: Fine…

Duo: Ready to launch! WOOO!! **Pushes a big red button and the ship begins to go under water**

Wufei: **looks out window and sees 6 fish with human heads congregating** @_@

Fish#1: Good Morning!

Fish#2: Morning!

Fish#3: How are things?

Fish#4: Good! And you?

Fish#3: Great! Morning up there!

Fish#5: Hello! Nice day?

Fish#6: Great! Never better!

Fish#4: OH {CENSORED}! Its Mr. Fishy-Cruso!

Fish#1: Yipe! **swims off**

All the fish swim off…And a huge fish comes and eats a lot of sea weed…followed by a course of small fish, then some large fish, then a whale…a small fish in a black suit comes up and offers Mr. Fishy-Cruso a mint

Waiter-Fish: A mint for you sir?

Mr. Fishy-Cruso: I can't eat another bite…

Waiter-Fish: But sir it is only a small mint…what do think will happen…you won't explode…*smiles*

Mr. Fishy-Cruso: FINE!! But only one…

The waiter-fish puts the mint in Mr. Fishy-Cruso's mouth…He explodes…¬-¬``

-BOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM-

Wufei: This is a messed up country…

(That last line was not to offend the people of England…^-^``)

Trowa: When did you figure that out?

A whale swims in front of the sub…

Duo: YOU {CENSORED} WHALE! GET OUT OF MY {CENSORED} WAY!!

Whale: Well, I never…**Swims away**

Quatre: …Duo…I think you're taking it a little too far…

Duo: Oh…well…heh-heh…

Wufei: @_@

Duo: Somethin` wrong Wufei?

Wufei: Oh…**Gelp**…nothing, nothing…**blink-blink**

All: …whatever… 

A small black shoe flies across the side of the sub and Milliardo is the only one to spot it…

Milliardo: …What the {censored}…

Duo: **sees it…** HEY! IT'S MY SHOE!! **Opens the hanger of the sub…everyone tries to stop him…on account that the ship would sink, but surprisingly no water comes in…two of the Beatles do…Paul and John…**

Wufei: This just isn't my day…first talking fish with human heads…now dead people…

All: TALKING FISH??!!

Wufei: …don't ask…

Duo: Don't worry, I won't…

Heero: And dead people?

Trowa: This isn't going to be one of those 'The 6th Sense' things, is it?

Heero: …lay off the movies Trowa…

Duo: What do you mean by dead people? 

Wufei: …John Lennon, you Baka…**Points at John**

John: **waves**

Paul: Is this yours? **Holds up a black left shoe**

Duo: That's mine!! **grabs it, and puts it on**

John: Yeah, we were in our Yellow Sub across the way and saw it…you all ok?

Duo: Well…ya see, we need to get to America…assuming that's where the old hag is…and, well, I dunno how to get there…

Heero: YOU STUPID BAKA!! I KNEW I SHOULDA` BEEN CAPTAIN!!!

Duo: Well, I…

John: No problem! We know the way! Just fallow us!!

Paul: Yeah that's where we're headed too. Gorge and Ringo are in our sub over there…**points out window to a much smaller yellow sub…**

John: Oh and before we go! **Hands Duo a CD Titled: 'The Beatles 1'** You have to play the song: Yellow Submarine the whole time…

Duo: YEAH!!! I LOVE THAT SONG!!

Paul: You a fan?  
Duo: You betcha!!

Quatre: I'm a fan myself!

John: It looks as if we have a whole sub full of fans!

Wufei: Not quit…

Duo: You don't like the Beatles??!!

Wufei: NO! I do! Big fan…but um…¬-¬``**Points at Heero, Trowa and Milliardo, Who are face faulting**

John & Paul look at each other and then back at the 3 stooges who are face faulting…

John: Ok…that's fine…for now…

Paul: You still have to listen to the CD though…and when we get to America, you're listening to the whole thing…

Milliardo,Trowa&Heero: GAHHHHHHH

John: 5 times!

Duo: **falls out of the captain's chair he's laughing so hard**

Quatre: HA-HA!

Wufei: Now that's what I call _Justice_! 

~~END…Of scene…uh…I lost count…~~ 

Everyone gets out of the sub and walk off the set.

Duo: WOOO!! **Is listening to the 'Beatles 1' on head phones**

Paul: Oi…

John: Well, when do we get paid?

Paul: This is for charity…we pay them, remember?

Ringo: how much is that bill again?

Gorge: Um…I don't remember…

Paul: lets hope its not too much…

Author: Its $25 from each of you!

John: That's not bad at all!

Author: Just enough to pay for the idiotic scene coming up!

John: You need $100 just for the next scene??!!

Duo: o/` We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine!! o/`

Author: Yes…

Milliardo: Save me…

Paul: Makes plenty of sense to me…

The Beatles: **Sigh**

Wufei: Can we get on with it?!

Heero: YES, PLEASE!!

Duo: o/` Lady Madonna, children at your feet, I wonder how you manage to make ends meat…o/`

Quatre takes off Duo's headphones.

Duo: HEY!

Quatre: We need to get back to the story…

Duo: WHAA! I WANNA LISTEN TO THE BEATLES!!

Paul: This guy has lost it…

John nods in agreement.

Duo: I herd that!

John: oi…

Duo: can I listen to the CD in the sub?

All: YES! JUST GET ON WITH IT!!

Duo: Sheesh! **Gets in the sub again** I'm still the captain!

Heero: -_-`` **Follows Duo**

Quatre: Get in everyone, time to start shooting again!

Paul: Hey wasn't there 6 of you?

Wufei: Yeah…

Ringo: Where's the 6th one?

Quatre: Huh?

Wufei: Who's missing?

Heero: **Pokes head out of the sub** I dunno…

Milliardo: Trowa…

All: OH!

Duo: **Gets out of the sub** I guess we never noticed `cuz he never talks…

John: We know how that is…**Looks at Gorge**

~Where Trowa is~

Trowa: **eating Duo's secret stash of donuts** Heh-heh…

Duo's voice from far away: HEY! My Donuts! 

Trowa: Ah-oh…

Quatre's voice from far away: Trowa must have taken them!

Wufei's voice, who is closer: …I wouldn't be suprised…

Duo can be heard running toward the closet where Trowa is hiding.

Trowa: Oh, crap…

Duo: **opens door and sees Trowa eating donuts** TROWA!!

Trowa: Well, I…got hungry…

Quatre: **Out of breath** …this is getting people confused…

Wufei: huh?

Quatre: If the people reading this story are completely lost, say 'I'!

Everyone reading the story: I!

Quatre: I rest my case…

Duo: FINE! 

~Back at the set~

Everyone is in the subs…

Duo: Trowa, I'm gonna make your life a living {Censored}…

Trowa: Heh-heh…

~Scene um…maybe 100? I lost count…as I stated earlier~

Duo: **Puts in the Beatles CD** YEAH!

Wufei: I hope those fish are gone…

Quatre: Fish? What fish?

(Wufei sees the 6 fish again outside the window of the sub.)

Wufei: Never mind…

Milliardo: The Beatles…why don't they go back to Britain or…or where ever they came from!!

Heero: I'm with ya…

Quatre: No respect…

Wufei: do you 3 like music at all?

Milliardo: Yeah…

Trowa: but uh… I'd rather not discuss it…

Duo: What? Do you listen to Rap or something?

Trowa: Well, I…

Quatre: YOU LISTEN TO RAP?!!!???@_@

Trowa: Well, I…

Wufei: That is…weird…

CD Player: o/` WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE! o/`

~1 hour 27 minutes and 9 seconds later~

Ringo on the intercom: You still behind us?

Duo: YUP! Still here! 

John: Well, there's America! 

Heero: FINALLY! 

Duo: **Pulls out 3 portable CD players, with headphones, and 3 of the Beatles 1 CD's** Here!

Heero: **Takes one** Ugg…why me…

Trowa: Maybe I can tap the earphones so they can tune into the radio instead…

Quatre: Oh, no…You're listening to it…

Milliardo, Trowa, and Heero: GGAAHHHHH!

TO BE CONTINUED… 


	5. Gundam Wing: And The Old Hag V

Part V of:

Gundam Wing: And the Old Hag

Last time The Beatles had joined in the chase for the Old Hag. That adds four new people to the group…well, let see, how should I put this…well since there are four new people…add that to six…that equals uh….

Duo: you're not good at math are you?

Author: ¬-¬ funny…just give me a sec…

Ringo: there are ten of us…

John: oi vey…

Author: Heh-heh…well, now we have ten people with us! Lets just say that three of them were happy, three of them were peeved, and four of them were The Beatles…Now let's get on with it!

All: Ok… 

The Beatles: Oi…

Announcer Guy: Getting on with the story, the boys and the Beatles-

The Beatles: Hey!

John: Why can't we be called 'The Boys'?

Ringo: Yeah! We're not that old!

George: …

Trowa: …

Announcer Guy: OK! THE BOYS were all finally at America! 

Audience members: **Dully** Yea…

Announcer Guy: Specifically they landed in Massachusetts…And had just received a message from a Pineapple in California, saying that the Old Hag had been seen there. So they sent a lovely post card of thanks back to the pineapple, with a picture of all ten of them standing in front of a billboard that said 'Welcome to America'

Duo: Yeah!

Wufei: No Fish!

(Everyone stairs at Wufei)

Wufei: Never-mind… 

Ringo: We better get goen` mates!

Heero: You know…this whole story started out as a two page parody of "The Holy Grail" now it's become 5 chapters worth of mayhem… 

John: What the bloody ell does that have to do with anything?!

Duo: Absolutely nothing… 

Heero: Whoops! I was thinking out loud again!

George (Whispering to Trowa): Does he do that a lot?

(Trowa nods)

Ringo: Does anybody know how we're getting to California?

Quatre: We could use the VW with GPS!

Heero: Wrong story…

~The scene changes to a Cactus in an outhouse~

Mystical Cactus: WOOO!! Anybody want a bean-borito?! 

Author: GAH! NO!

~The scene changes back~

Duo: …

John: Who the {Censored}…

Ringo: Who knows mate…

Paul: I'm hungry!

Duo: That's my line!

Wufei: Always food…

George: …

Author: can we get on with the story??

Duo: yes…

Paul: it's just that-

Duo & Paul together: WE NEED FOOD!

Ringo: and a car…

John: and by the way…who the bloody ell was that cactus!?

Author: Ignore the Cactus!

John: …-k-…

Author: and here! **A big hand comes on screen and draws a VW Bug** There!

Paul: Ten people cannot fit in a VW Bug…

Author: A PT Cruiser then!

All: A what?

Author: A PT Cruiser! (Bug changes into PT Cruiser) It has a built in computer with Internet access and games! Also, built in radar on the windshield, and its all voice activated! The voice activation system hasn't been set yet, so whoever says something first to it will have to drive it…

(A man in a black suit comes on and hands the Author 2 million dollars)

Author: Heh-heh…

Duo: COOL BEANS!

Car: Voice activation mode completed.

John: Smooth move mate…

Quatre: now Duo has to drive…

Wufei: Ho, boy…

Duo: heh…

George: …

Ringo: We best be goen` now, mates. 

John: He's right. 

Paul: …**stomach grumbles** LETS GO!

Duo: Yeah, lets…**Gets it driver seat**

John: SHOTGUN! 

Ringo: …ok mate, just I'm not sitting in the very back…

Paul: Who ever doesn't want to sit in the _very_ back say 'not me'!

All besides George, Quatre, Heero, Trowa and Milliardo: NOT ME!!

Duo: Apparently only two people can sit in the back…but uh…Trowa? Heero? Milliardo?

Quatre: **Listening to music** what's going on?

John: You just bought yourself a ticket to the back seat with George!

George: …not me…

Ringo: Too late, mate… 

Wufei: where is Trowa? And Heero? _AND_ MILLIARDO!? THEY'RE ALL GONE!

Duo: Dur…I wonder…they could have run off so they wouldn't have to listen to Beatles music…

Quatre: well we have to find them…

Paul: FOOD FIRST!

Duo: YEAH!

John: Shut your bloody holes! You're making me hungry!

Ringo: Me too…

Wufei: …

George: …

Quatre: FINE!

~At the nearest Taco Bell~

Duo: I hate this place…**stairs at taco…**

Quatre: …that's no reason to hate a good fast food chain of restaurants…

Wufei: That made no sense, Quatre…

Beatles: **stairs at g-boys…or what 3 remain…**

John: **Smiles evilly, and walks up to order taker** I'll take one taco please…(5 seconds later) thank you…**Walks over to Duo** Hey, mate!

Duo: **stairs up at John** what?

John pulls out the Taco and shows it to Duo…

Duo: GAH! **Hides under table**

Quatre: **Chortle** 

Ringo: Good one mate!

Paul: **laughing**

George: …**Smiles**

Wufei: **Looks under table** What the {censored} are you doing?

Duo: Hiding from the evil taco!

John: I think me gut's gonna` burst! **Laughs**

People in restaurant: @.@

Wufei: **still looking under table then kicks Duo** Get up!

Duo: OW! **Gets up**

People in restaurant: **laughing**

Quatre: I'm just gonna` leave now…**Runs away**

Paul: you've got the right idea! **follows Quatre**

Wufei: **Walks out** …

Ringo: this was the most exciting meal I've ever had…**walks out**

John: I agree…**follows**

George: …**walks out sipping a coke**

Wufei: **Walks back in, grabs Duo by the caller, and drags him out** how embarrassing…

Duo: **River eyes** Ow…

Ringo: Are we just going to forget about your friends?

Duo: Yes…

John: Wrong answer mate…

Quatre: Well lets get back…

~After a ride back to the place where they left the subs, Heero, Trowa, and Milliardo…~

Duo: Oh, look they're not here! Let's go!

Quatre: No…**Grabs Duo's caller** 

Wufei: how are we going to find them?

Ringo: Simple really…just split up and meet back here in an hour.

John: **leans on Ringo's shoulder** The brains…**points at Ringo**

Paul: …

Ringo: **Smiles**

Wufei: sooooo…let's go…

Quatre: I've got the Scooby Snax!

John: …this ain't no episode of 'Scooby Do: Where Are You'…

Duo: lay off the TV shows Q-man…

Quatre: whoops…sorry…

Paul: We mind as well…

George: yup…best if we go now before it gets dark…

Duo: that's the most I've ever heard you say…

John (Still leaning on Ringo): But it will be dark in less that an hour, see **Holds up watch** it's almost 8:00!

Ringo: Then let split up into pairs!

John: The brain strikes again!

Wufei: Well, lets go…but how are we gonna` figure out who our partner is?

Quatre: Yeah!

Ringo: one person is going to have to stay behind, so if they come back you can keep them here.

George: I got it! **George turns around grabs some dead grass and cuts them so that there are pairs of different sizes accept for one that is an obscure size** Everybody take one!

(Everyone takes a piece)

Paul: looks like I've got to stay behind…

Duo: (Seeing if his matches Ringo's) Nope! (Walks over to John) Looks like you're my partner John!

John: oh, joy…

George (To Quatre): Looks like we're partners!

Duo: That leaves Wufei with Ringo!

Wufei: -_-``

Ringo: Ok! Let's go!

~The three pairs of people leave in different directions, just as night falls~

~Where Duo and John are~

Duo: Hey, John! What's that up ahead? It looks like its sparkling or something!

John: Yeah, it does! Let's go check it out.**Walks on and Duo follows**

Duo: It's getting bigger!

John: I wonder what it IS-!!!!!

SPLASH!

Duo: …**Sitting in a pond** well, we know what it is now…**Pulls a weed off head**

John: Yup…**Gets up** 

~Where Quatre and George are~

George: …This wasn't the best way to go…

Quatre: Nope, I can't see a thing…

George: …Yeah this place is full of trees!

Quatre: GEORGE WHATCH OUT FOR THAT (THUB) tree…**They both run into trees** 

George: ouch…

Quatre: Well, you're not George of the Jungle…

George: That's for sure…

~Where Wufei and Ringo are~

Ringo: Hey! I think I see something! **Looking behind a bush**

Wufei: What? **Looks**

Ringo: Looks like cloth…fore pieces…**picks up two pieces**

Wufei: hmmm…**Picks up the other two**

~One hour later~

John (Still soaking wet): did anybody find anything? **Holing up a flashlight**

Ringo: We found some torn cloth…**Holds his two up to the light**

Wufei: I didn't know they were different colors…**does the same as Ringo**

John: Well, now…

Quatre: **Still rubbing head** what do you suppose it means?

George: I dunno…

Duo: **River eyes** I'm all wet!

John: oh and I'm not…

Ringo: What happened to you?

Duo: A pond happened to us…

John: …bloody pond…

Duo: **Sees the bump on both Quatre and George's heads'** What about you?

Quatre: A tree…

George: …**Looks over at Paul and shakes head** Paul?

Paul: **Snore**

George: PAUL!!

Paul: ACH! WHAT?

Duo: …

Paul: I was sleeping…

Wufei: We could see that.

Paul: Well, did anyone find anything?

Duo: Yeah, Wufei and Ringo found torn colored cloth…

Wufei: Looks like mine are yellow and green…

Ringo: Mine are red and purple…

Quatre: this is odd…

John: I can't make any sense out of it…**Hits the side of his head to get water out of his ear**

Duo: why don't we just go to California? I mean, they're big boys'! They can take care of them selves!

Wufei: he's right…

Ringo: Well, let's go to California, mates!

John: I STILL HAVE SHOTGUN!

Paul: Blast…

Duo: Let's go!

(Everyone gets in the Car with Duo in the Drivers seat, John, well you know where he is…Wufei, Ringo, and Paul are in the middle seats; and Quatre and George are in the _very _back.)

~Somewhere in Boston~

Duo: {Censored} traffic…

Wufei: **Looking at a magazine; gets an idea, and starts cutting it with scissors, then shows it to Ringo**

Ringo: That's a bloody good joke! **Laughs**

Paul: what is it? Lemme see!

Wufei: **shows it to Paul**

Quatre: What the {Censored}? 

John: **Turns around** Well now! Let me show that to Duo! **Takes it then shows it to Duo**

Duo: **Laughs** HA! **Duo is looking at a cut out of Mario**

George: It's paper Mario!

Quatre: …

(Another man comes up to Wufei and hands him 2 million dollars.)

Wufei: I love this job…**Smiles**

Duo: Hey! Car! You got a paper shredder?

Car: Paper shredder in full working order. **A paper shredder pops up on the dashboard**

Duo: heh- **Puts the paper Mario in the shredder** And that's how I defeated Paper Mario! 

All: @.@

Wufei: My paper Mario…

~After they got out of Boston the traffic was better…who knew…and were headed for Kentucky~

Duo: Remind me, why we are going to Kentucky?

John: You'll find out…

~4 hours later~

Duo: I can't see strait…are we almost there?

Ringo: put your foot on the break pedal and you'll see…

(Duo stops the car)

Quatre: COOL BEANS!

Duo: …

Paul: what are we here for?

John: To get the rest of the script…it only covers to chapter 4…

Ringo: Oh…yeah.

(They all walk up to a small brick house and knock on the door-the Author answers the door)

Author: Guys…what do you want? I'm kinda busy typing…

John: Can we just get the rest of the script? 

Author: Sure! **Hands them all scripts**

Duo: thanks!

Author: No prob.! **Runs back to computer and continues typing**

(Everyone gets back in the car)

George: It says we go strait to California…

(The car doesn't move)

Quatre: Well what are we waiting for?

Duo: That old guy to cross the road…**Points at an old man crossing the road**

Old Guy: I'm a-goen`! Don't get your panties in a twist…**Gets out of the way**

Ringo: that was disturbing…

(Everyone nods in agreement)

~One day later the boys were all in Dallas, Texas~

(Everyone besides Duo and Ringo are asleep) 

Duo: **Yawn** Who's awake? 

Ringo (Who has a pillow on his lap): I AM! **Raises hand and the pillow flies into he back of the car hitting Quatre in the face-he immediately wakes up**

Quatre: Davie Croquet! Remember the Alamo! Huh?

Ringo: …sorry, mate…

~They continue driving through Texas~

Announcer Guy: Just to clear things up a little here…John's driving…but as you now, he can't command the car, so Duo is in the passenger side seat…Quatre, Paul, and George and now in the middle row of seats and Wufei and Ringo are in the _very_ back…And just to let you know, everyone was awake…

Author: Ok…now that you know the seating arrangement…we can get on with the story!

Announcer Guy: OK! Continuing with our boy's in the Pt Cruiser, a year past. Through the harsh winter! Winter turned to Spring, That into Summer, then into Fall, and strait back to winter-but then winter gave spring and summer a miss, and went strait into autumn!

~Somewhere near California~

Duo: **Sigh** boredom… 

Paul: Are we there yet?

John: No…

Paul: Are we there yet?

John: No…

Paul: Are we there yet?

John: No…

Paul: Are we there yet?

John: No…

Paul: Are we there yet?

John: No…

Paul: Are we there yet?

John: No…

Paul: Are we there yet?

John: No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **Turns around and tries to strangle Paul, just as the car hits a big sign that says: Welcome to California! **

George: We're there…

TO BE CONTINUED…

Announcer Guy: What will happen to our three missing friends? Will the remaining members of the gang find the old hag? And what do those pieces of cloth mean? Find out on the next and final episode of 'Gundam Wing: And The Old Hag'!!!

You, can, uhhhh… review my story now…

So I'm just going to submit this fic right n-


	6. Gundam Wing: And The Old Hag VI

Part VI of

Gundam Wing: And The Old Hag

Last time, Trowa, Heero, and Milliardo had disappeared! The remaining people in the gang were headed to California, in search of the Old Hag! So let's see what happens! And…ummm…for those of you who are wondering…the generation of Beatles that are used, are the 26-27 age area…**Pulls out script and begins to read**

Duo: …I'm not board anymore…

Ringo: Well we're here but I don't think the car is…

John: Sorry about the car mates…**Stairs at Paul, angrily**

Paul: …Well, let's find that pineapple…**Stairs at John, angrily**

Ringo: I guess so…**Stairs at John and Paul** ?-?

Wufei: We're going to have to fix the car first! 

Duo: …ok…

(They all start pushing the car)

~When they found a repair shop…~

Paul: …this place looks weird…

Quatre: And strangely familiar…

(They are all looking at and old broken down gas station, with strange country music playing from it's broken windows) 

Duo: I'll go see if anyone's there…

Wufei: I'll go too…

Quatre: Me three…

John: I'll just stay, thanks!

Ringo: Yea! Have fun!

Paul: …spooky…

George: I'm allergic to country music…

All: -_-``

Quatre: Sure…

(The three gundam pilots walk up to the gas station door)

Duo: You can go first Wufei!

Wufei: What? Are you afraid!?

Quatre: **Shakes head and walks in-but stops as soon as he enters the door…**

Duo: **Shakily** N-NO! I'm not! I-I just thought, you being as _strong _as you are, you would like to go first!!

Wufei: FINE! I WILL THEN! **Walks in, running into Quatre-and making both of them fall on their faces'**

Duo: …watch out for that first step…

Wufei: Thanks for the warning…**Gets up**

Quatre: come on you two…**gets up and walks farther into the store**

Duo and Wufei: **Shrug** Ok…**Both follow Quatre**

(Quatre begins walking toward the room behind the cash register, and then stops)

Duo: What?

Wufei: Why'd you stop??

Quatre: There's a TV on in that room! **Points**

Duo: …-k-…

TV voice: AND TONIGHT ON THE WWF SUMO SPECIAL, WE HAVE STEVE AUSTIN IN A DIPPER!!!

TV Audience: YEA!!!!!!!

TV voice: AND WE HAVE BILLY BOB JOE! THE MAGICAL FLYING FAIRY ELF, FROM MARS!!!

TV Audience: **SILENCE- crickets chirp in background** 

TV voice: AND HE'S IN A DIPPER TOO!!!

TV Audience: YEA!!!!!!!

A deep crude voice: STUPID SUMO WRESTLERS! THEY'RE NOT FAT ENOUGH! THEY NEED TO EAT MORE KIT-KATS! **Drinks beer-then belches**

Quatre: **Turns pail** UGG…

Duo: You ok Q-man?

Quatre: …yeah…fine…

Wufei: **Sees a small dinging bell** may be this will help! **Dings the bell**

(A very, very, very, very Fat Guy, I mean he's fat! Like a bus! Comes through a large hole in the wall)

Fat Guy: WHO RANG THAT BELL?? **Eats Kit-Kat in one bite-then sees Quatre** HEY-IT'S Mr. Karl Gambolputty de von Ausfern -schplenden -schlitter -crasscrenbon -fried -digger -dangle -dungle -burstein -von -knacker -thrasher -apple -banger -horowitz -ticolensic -grander -knotty -spelltinkle -grandlich -grumblemeyer -spelterwasser -kürstlich -himbleeisen -bahnwagen -gutenabend -bitte -eine -nürnburger -bratwustle -gerspurten -mit -zweimache -luber -hundsfut -gumberaber -shönendanker -kalbsfleisch -mittler -raucher von Hautkopft of Ulm!! (that was from Monty Python's Flying Circus, episode 6…)

Quatre: MY NAME IS QUATRE!!

Fat Guy: …WELL, IF THAT'S HOW YOU'RE GONNA` ACT!! THAN WHAT DO YOU PUNKS WANT?!

Duo: **Stairs** some tools…

Fat Guy: WE AIN'T GOT ANY PUNK! WE ONLY GOT SOME KIT-KATS!

Wufei: ………………right…………..

(four screams are heard from outside.)

Quatre: THE BEATLES! **Runs to the door only to run into the TAE-BO guy…**

Tae-Bo guy: Are you fat? Then work you're tooshi with my very expensive Tae-Bo tapes!

Quatre: **Faints** 

Tae-Bo guy: WOO-WEE! That boy needs to eat more! **Sees fat guy** WOO-WEE! And you need to eat less! AND! **Starts dancing around like he's gay** you need to buy my tapes!!!!!!!

Duo: **Blink** Well now…that's something you don't see everyday…

(The Beatles run in)

John: RINGO! GET QUATRE THE BLOODY ELL OUT OF HERE!

(Ringo drags Quatre out of the gas station)

Fat Guy: WHAAA!! HEY! IF YOU GET THIS GUY OFF MY BACK, I'LL GIVE YOU THE TOOLS YOU NEED!!

Duo: **Thinks** OK! **Runs to the cash register, grabs a Kit-Kat bar, then turns and walks very slowly toward Tae-Bo guy** Look what I got Mr. Tae-Bo guy!

Tae-Bo guy: AHHH!! Get it away from me! It has more that 0 grams of fat! **Runs away screaming like a baby**

Fat Guy: **Lying on the floor from all the _excitement…_** Thanks…can you help me up?

(The all look at each other horrified)

Wufei: Well…uh…

Paul: I suppose we could…

John: **whisper** PAUL!

Paul: **Whisper** JOHN!

(Ringo returns to the room with a very sick looking Quatre.)

Ringo: Did we miss anything?

George: Oh…you don't want to know…

Fat Guy: HELLO?!!?

Duo: Well Quatre can you help?

Quatre: I guess…**Walks over to the Fat guy**

John: OK! Everyone together! 

All: ONE! TWO! THREE!

(Nothing happens)

Paul: Did anyone besides me pull?

Duo: Yeah…

Wufei: I think we all did…he just didn't move…

Fat Guy: WHAT ARE YOU SAYEN` KID? THAT I'M THE SIZE OF A BUS???

Ringo: **whisper to Duo** yup…

(A cloud of smoke enter the room and the author steps out coughing.)

Author: {CENSOED} IT! I told them I didn't wanna come in that way!

Duo: …

John: Oh, Bloody ell…what did we do wrong this time?

Author: nothing…I just need to give this to you…it may help in the scene…OK boys! BRING IT IN!

(Some men drag Altron onto the set)

Wufei: NATAKU!

Author: …yeah…use it…

Wufei: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! **Jumps in Altron**

(The arm on the back of Altron comes out and grabs the Fat Guy)

Fat Guy: HEY THAT TICKLES!

Duo: **sigh**

(The arm of Altron starts to shake)

Wufei: OH NO! NATAKU!

(The Boys that are on the ground go underneath the arm and help Altron lift him, they finally get him on his feet after Altron had been severely damaged.) 

Author: OK! Take Altron to get fixed…**the men take Altron away**

Duo: Thanks!

John: **whispers to the author** We wouldn't of gotten him up without you…

Author: you're welcome! **A big puff of smoke comes again** …oh no…not again! **Pulls out a giant fan to blow all the smoke away** there…**walks out of the room without the smoke…**

Fat Guy: Well…here are your tools! **Pulls the tools from out of nowhere-then disappears along with the gas station**

John: I don't wanna know where these came from! **Looking at the tool he was handed**

Ringo: …-_-``

Duo: well lets get to work!

~1 hour later~

Wufei: It'll take us longer than an hour! Come back tomorrow!

~The next day~

Duo: That's more like it!

Ringo: Well, good as new!

John: Lets just hope the muffler doesn't fall off!

Paul: SH! 

Duo: …well

George: we better get goen!

Quatre: On to…uh…where does the Pineapple live exactly?

Author: Page 7 guys…

(They all pull out a script and turn to page 7)

Duo: OH! Ok! Guys! **Saying words sharply but pausing in between each word…** I-got-this-letter…-from-the-pineapple-telling-us…-where-he-lives!

Wufei: how professional…

John: **Sigh**

Ringo: Well what's it say?

Duo: that he lives in L.A.

Ringo: That's not too bad…

John: nope…

Quatre: let's go!!

John: I HAVE SHOT-

Ringo: SHOTGUN!

John: Oh, bloody ell…

(Everyone but Ringo and Duo scramble for a moment looking for seats, Now Duo is driving, Ringo is in Shotgun, Quatre, Wufei, and John are in the in the middle row, and Paul and George are in the very back!)

~1/2 hour later~

Duo: Anyone want to listen to the radio?

All: SURE!

Duo: Ok! **Turns on radio-and it's a Beatles song** No…I had enough of that in the sub!

All: YUP! DID!

Duo: **changes channel only to get more Beatles songs** GAH! WHATS WITH THIS!? **Changes it again and yet more Beatles songs, and again, and again, and again!!** AHH! **Turns off radio** Stupid radio stations…

Ringo: It wasn't too bad…

All: -_-``

(They continue driving, past a sigh that said welcome to Nowhere, another that said you are now leaving Nowhere, and past a group of girls who all wink at the Beatles)

George: I'm always getting winked at these days…

All: …oi…

~Two hours later~

Duo: Look! There's another sign up ahead!

John: What's it say?

Ringo: I can't tell from here…

Wufei: HAHAHAHAHA!!! Your eyes are WEAK! I can see the sign!

Quatre: That's only because Duo stopped three feet away from it…

George: so, what does it say?

Paul: it says welcome to someplace…

Duo -_-``…oi…

Quatre: We mind as well keep driving…

~1 hour later~

Paul: **Sticks head out window** WEEEEEE!!

John: …stop that…

Paul: darn…I can never have any fun…

Duo: WOOO-HOOO!! 

Wufei: **Blink** 

Ringo: What the bloody ell did you do that for??

Duo: LOOK! L.A.!!!

All: YEA!!

~5 minutes later…they find the Pineapples house~

Pineapple: WELCOME! 

Duo: …well, now…

(They all walk up to a house shaped like a Sponge)

Pineapple: Welcome to my humble home!

John: I don't think I can fit in the door…**Stairs at the tinny door** I'm too tall…

Pineapple: Then lets go out back! **Goes around the side of the house-everyone follows**

Ringo: -_-``

Pineapple: Feel free to have a seat!

(They all look down at very small chairs)

Paul: We'll just stand thanks…

Pineapple: Well! Getting to the point! Wait…what is the point?

Wufei: The old hag…**Rolls eyes**

Pineapple: OH! Ok! It all started when God sent you on a mission to find the old hag…So you went, crazy stuff happened! You crossed the bridge of death! **They all stair at the pineapple** Through mountainous tundra's! Through ragging storms! Through the black of night! For a good year or so, you have all been on a quest! A quest for the old hag! 

George: Yeah…like we didn't know that…

Pineapple: Well, to make a long story short-

All: TOO LATE!

Pineapple: I know where you boys can find her!

George: Where? Do you have her?? **Starts looking around**

Ringo: George, the curious little monkey…

George: I'm not one of the Monkeys! I'm on of the Beatles! 

Duo: -k- George…we know…just Mr. Pineapple? Where can we find her?

Pineapple: IN A CASTLE! 

Quatre: …oh, God, is that all you needed to tell us?

Pineapple: NO! She is in the FRENCH tower…

Wufei: THAT'S ALL THE WAY BACK IN ENGLAND!! 

Pineapple: NO IT ISN'T! They moved to America! They live just next door!

Duo: Cool! 

John: …this story is getting a bit boring…

Paul: yup…

Duo: **Stairs at pineapple, in deep thought** hmmm…**Picks up the pineapple** HEY, JOHN! GO LONG! **Throws the Pineapple to John**

John: **catches it** WOOO! Fun! **Throws it to Paul**

Paul: **Holds the ball so Duo can kick it** Here!

Duo: **Kicks** YEA!

Pineapple: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! **pings out of sight-then says from the distance** I'LL GET YOU BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quatre: that was uncalled for…

Duo: oops…

Wufei: I'M GONNA 'OOPS' YOU IN A MINUTE!

Duo: GAH! **hides behind John**

John: …I didn't do it! I was just caught up in the moment…

Wufei: **Very peeved** GRRRR….

~They all walk over to the French Tower~

Duo: HELLO!

Quatre: …this won't end well…

(French guy pop's up)

French Guy: HELLO? OH! It's you again, is it? You sons of a silly person!

John: You've met him before, have you?

Wufei: oh, shut up…

French Guy: OH! And I see you have some new friends! Haw, haw, and haw!

Ringo: ……………

French Guy: And from what I can see that they are, for sure, silly English KNNNN-NIGUTS! 

Beatles: …

Duo: Yeah, well, we were told that you have the old hag?

Wufei: Yup! Were!

French Guy: Haw, haw, and haw? I don know if she is being an old hag, but I'll go get her! **Loud noises are heard from inside the castle, and a very loud BOING sound-then a person in rags and chains is thrown over the wall of the castle, and lands in front of all of them.**

Duo: **Poke, poke** I think it moved…

John: is it alive?

'The Thing': **Muffled under the cloth** MUFF! MEFTU! 

Ringo: **Pulls he cloth away to reveal…Relena!!! (DUN NA!)** Oh, bloody ell! It's a monster!!

Duo: Yup, sure is, Ringo…

Relena: **Hands cuffed behind her back** I AM NOT AN OLD HAG!!! WHERE IS HEERO? HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERROOO!!! WHERE ARE YOU HEERO!?

Wufei: **With fingers in ears and hair all messed up** Wow…a new record! 2 million decimals! Impressive! 

Quatre: **Trying not to smile-being the kind person he is** ho boy…

Paul: Well, now that we're all deaf, Who is the real old hag? 

George: what did you say, Paul?

Paul: nothing, nothing…

French Guy: So she no` the old hag? Hmmm… haw, haw…how about any of these?? **Loud BOING noise again**

(Michael Jackson, Trieze Khushranada, Dorothy, Sally, Hilde, Noin, and Une are seen flying over the French wall)

Duo: OH {CENSORED}! 

Wufei: Me thinks me gonna` be sick! 

John: duck and cover!

George: Stop drop and roll! 

All: Wha??

George: nothing… 

Noin: …I'm leaving, Milliardo's not here…**Walks off**

Dorothy: Me too! **follows Noin closely** 

(Lady Une and Trieze walk off together) 

All: …

Hilde: DUO!!! **Jumps for Duo-but John knocks Duo out of the way as Hilde falls down a pit the Duo was standing in front of** AHHH!!

Duo: **wipes forehead** few! That was close! 

Sally: …**Walks away**

M.J.: Why was I drought here? I'm not a hag! **Walks away doing the moon walk**

Ringo: Frightening? Isn't it? 

Paul: oh, yes…

Wufei: well a lot of help they were…

French Guy: well we do `ave one more person…but I don think she is the one you are looking for…

Quatre: what does she look like? 

French Guy: Well, she is very ugly, you see. And she carries around a cat, which she smacks against a wall, from time to time…

Wufei: **Eyes glowing** THAT'S HER! 

John: Sounds odd…

Ringo: …yup…

George: You mean they have her?

Duo: our journey is over…

(BOING-the old hag flies over the wall-and then the clouds open to reveal God**

God: Well done, pilots, and your friends too! 

John: E-heh…

Paul: This is something you don't get to experience everyday… 

Ringo: well, you're welcome…I think…

George: Yea…

Duo: Well here she is! 

Wufei: Yea! WOOO!! IT'S OVER!

(God starts to ascend with the old hag into heaven) 

Quatre: I can't believe it's over…

Duo: Yup…

(A large group of pineapples appear)

Pineapples: You heart our ancestor! **They all attack Duo-and then run away-leaving Duo with a black eye, and messed up hair…(Hey! What did you think a bunch of pineapples were going to do to a Gundam pilot? Kill him? THEY ARE ONLY PINEAPPLES!)** 

Duo: …**holds ice pack to black eye**

Wufei: Well…

Paul: That was fun while it lasted!

John: Yeah, but what are we going to do now?

Ringo: We could watch a movie… 

Duo: We can watch 'Help'!

George: …yup could…

Ringo: Stupid ring…

Wufei: Well lets go watch it! 

Duo: OK!

Quatre: Wait! Aren't we forgetting something?

~The Scene changes to 'Tellitubby World', where you can see four horrible looking creatures named, Tinky Winky, Dipsy, La-la, and Po, with small pieces of cloth ripped from there bottoms…~

(The Po pulls of its mask to reveal a Minstrel, then the others do the same, and the background changes into a dark warehouse.)

Minstrel#1: we shall have revenge on those other Gundam pilots soon…but for now…**Pulls a sheet off of Heero, Trowa, and Milliardo.** these shall do…**Takes the small leather bag off of Milliardo's belt and releases the Minstrel inside it…(Remember the Minstrel from part 3? That Milliardo stuffed in a bag to shut up so they could go into the forest?…if you still don't remember, go look at part three…)**

Other 3 Minstrels: YES MY LORD!

Minstrel#5 (The one that was in Milliardo's bag): thank you…

Minstrel#1: WE SHALL HAVE OUR REVENGE! 

Milliardo, Heero, and Trowa: WHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

~The scene changes back to where all the pilots and Beatles are~

All: OH, NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

THE END 

Announcer Guy: And so, ends the story of Gundam Wing: And The Old Hag! Oh stop Crying! There will be a sequel! So! Be prepared! 

Author: OK! Just to clarify some things about the story! The all knowing all doing Taco, the all doing Dragon, the stories plot, ending, beginning, middle and all in between are copyrights of mine. The Fat Guy and him gas station along with the Mystical Cactus was the original ideas and copyrights of Dewgong, used in her hilarious story, The Gundam Teams Day Off: The O's Evil Plan! Read it! It be funny! It's on this web site! Also The Gundam Team, any other anime, or other copyrights that may be used in this story such as Taco Bell, Tellitubbys and anything that may be material of Monty Python or the Beatles, such as the name Help…The names of the Beatles themselves and other copyright stuff do NOT belong to me! So please don't sue! So! I hope you enjoyed the story! Just for your info, it took me two years too get the whole thing done! WOOO!! It was fun! But now it's over! Oh, well…there are always sequels! So be sure to look for the story called: "And Now For Something Completely Insane!" 

Duo: Coming to a theater near you, summer-fall, 2001!

Author: thank you Duo!

Paul: well, that was fun! 

Author: Oh! That reminds me! The Beatles will continue to be in the sequel as well…but right now, since I've been working my tail off with this story, I'm gonna wait till school is out to write the sequel! 

Wufei: I'm looking forward to it!

Quatre: sounds like fun!

John: Well…I guess this is the very end, huh?

Ringo: I guess so, mate…

George: Well…other than the cracks on my name, it was fun!

Author: And I hope you people out there reading, had as much fun reading it as I had writing it! 

John: So good-bye everybody!

Paul: see ya next time!

Heero: **struggle** Help…

Milliardo: **struggle** I…

Trowa: **struggle** need…

Duo: o/` SOMEBODY! HELP!! NOT JUST ANYBODY! HELP!! o/`

John: Oh, bloody ell…

Paul: that wasn't right, Duo…

Ringo: Yes…very…

George: …yup…

Quatre: remember to look for Lizzy's up coming story!

Ringo: YEA! And remember what John and Paul used to say!

Author: Who? The apostles?

Ringo: NO! My good friends in the Beatles! ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE!!!

All: YEA! 

Author: THANKS FOR READING!! 

Finé


	7. And Now For Something Completely InsaneT...

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY INSANE!

Part 1 : The BeGinninG

The Beatles, and the three remaining Gundam pilots, Duo, Wufei, and Quatre are all gathered around a table listening to a little tape recorder in a small dark room……

Tape: Hello, agents…this is your leader, headquarters has just informed me with information that your comrades, Miliardo Peacecraft, Trowa Barton, and Heero Yuy, have been kid napped!

John: they're not exactly kids…

Tape: Fine! Ummmm…Teenager napped!

Paul: ?! John, how did you get that tape recorder to listen to you?!

John: shut up and listen!

Tape: well, anyway, they were teenager napped…by the minstrels! Yes, the minstrels from the first sires! Remember how they just suddenly disappeared? Well, they had been plotting, for some time, to do this dirty deed! And now it is up to you, the seven remaining, to rescue them! We have found the location of the minstrels hid-out. It is in Australia-Sidney, Australia, you must go there and save them from, what we fear now, the worst! Good luck, agents! **dully the man on the tape says::** boom!

Duo: what the…

Tape: sorry, I didn't tell you I was going to explode…

Ringo: right….**opens the door so everyone can walk out**

Wufei: well, how are we getting to Sidney?

George: the car is out of the question…

Quatre: considering what happened to it, AND that we have to cross the ocean…

George: oh…

John: heh……I'm still sorry about the car…

Paul: …forgiven! Now get on with it!

(they all walk out of the room, and down the dark streets of New York, to a small hotel where they had been staying)

Ringo (putting the key into the lock of his bedroom door): hmmm…it seams to be stuck…**trying to turn the key**

(when the key finally turns, with the help of Paul, the handle begins to tick)

Paul: …what in sam hill…

John: **as he walks over to the two confused Beatles, he hears the ticking…** IT'S GONNA BLOW!! **Pushes Ringo and Paul to the ground, along with himself. Sure enough the whole door exploded**

George: **walks into Ringo's room through the severely damaged door** How covenant! They put one of those chocolate covered mints on your pillow that you love so much, Ringo!

Ringo: **from the floor** oh, joy…… **turns head to look at John **GET OFF ME, YOU TWIT! 

John: **getting up off the floor** that's the thanks I get for saving your life?

Ringo: **getting up and brushing himself off** …yea… **Walks into his room and eats the little chocolate covered mint and becomes happy again**

~Meanwhile, on another floor~

(there is a close up of Relena and the picture slowly comes away from her face, then she says::)

Relena: A beginning is a very delicate time, know then that the year is 10191. The know universe is ruled by the Padashaw emporer…a name I cannot pernounce- my father…in this time the most presius subtance in the universe is the spice-something-or-other….**She begines to fade out** the spice explands conciousness, the spice is vidal to space travil. **fades back in** The spacing guild and his navigators, who the spice has mutated over 4000 years, use the orange spice gass, which gives them the abilty to fold space, **fades out** that is to travil to any part in the universe without moving. **Fades back in**Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you, the spice only exsists in one planet in entire unverse, a desilet dry planet with vast deserts, hidden away within the rocks of these deserts are the people known as the…as the…as the…Aztecs! Who has long held a proficy that a man would come, the massia, who would lead them to true freedom. The planet is 'A Racket' also known as………'DUNE'……

(the picture moves slowy back tword her face, hits it, and she falls backward) 

Duo: **CLICK** I hate that movie… **changes the channal** she need to talk less…

~In Wufei room~

(Wufei is seen with a roll of cloth, he rolls it out on to the bed to reveal millions of different kinds of knives, guns, bullets, and pineapples.)

Wufei: ** in am evil voice** heh-heh-heh-heh-heh……**cheerfully** I'm set!

~In Quatre's room~

Quatre: **Playing mine-sweep on his lap top that he got for Christmas from all of his sisters** stupid bombs…**the computer begins to tick** …what the… 

(What appears to be the ghost of the pineapple from the first sires appears to Quatre)

Pineapple: **in an echoing voice** Quatre! You must throw the lap top out of the window! 

Quatre: NO! It was a gift from my sisters!

Pineapple: DO IT! Or you will die!

Quatre: ok, ok! Geez! **walks over to the window and throws the lap top out the window, it goes down to the ground floor and lands on a mans lap who was sitting on the patio of his hotel room, the lap top blows up and the man dies**

Quatre: well, at least that wasn't the first person I killed…**sweat-drop** 

~In Ringo's room…again~

Ringo: **Talking on the phone with the person in the lobby** Yes, I would like to have 700 boxes of chocolate covered mints delivered to me room tonight…what do you mean they'll cost $350?! People get them for free on their pillows! …fine! I'll pay it! But I guarantee you that I will never stay at this hotel again! **slams down phone**

George: **standing in the, still smoldering, doorway** what in name of Joe are you doing? Ordering 700 boxes of chocolate covered mints?!

Ringo: satisfying me tummy!

George: oi…**walks out of the room to his own**

~In Paul's room~

(Paul is seen on his balcony with a big bucket of water-balloons)

Paul: he, he, he…**drops a water balloon over the side and it hits and old grandma in the head, upon contact, Paul backs up against the wall in order not to be seen**

Grandma: you kids today! I do declare that you are menaces! 

Paul: **trying to refrain from laughing, but then nearly jumps out of him pajama's when he is taped on the shoulder by John**

John: having fun, are we? **Looks over the ledge to see hundreds of splat marks with little rings in the middle of them, indicating that Paul had been hitting people**

Paul: **trying to hide the bucket** e-heh…

John: Can I have some water-balloons? There is a really cute girl I wanna hit just below me room! **smiles widely**

Paul: I guess so, as long as you don't tell the manager who gave them to you…

John: **taking some water-balloons from the bucket** no! I won't! Thanks, mate!

Paul: no problem… **looks over the ledge for more old people**

~In George's room~

(George is seen watching a Spanish soup opera, with the door open…John walks past, sees George, and walks in)

John: What in the world are you watching?! 

George: **says something in Spanish**

John: …**Throws a water balloon at him**

George: thanks…I needed that…**changes channel**

~In Johns room~

(John enters the room with his water-balloons, now one short because of George and his Spanish soup opera)

John: aww! I'll pulverize that cute girl in the morning……wouldn't you agree that that is a nice wake up call? And to make it even better! **Puts the balloons in the refrigerator** he-he-he…I love being evil…**walks over to the bed and sits down, turns on the TV and sees a close up of Relena** 

John: AHHH! **Turns off the TV like he's seen the devil** what do you mean, author person?! I have seen the devil! **There is a drum roll from Ringo's room** …ok…I guess that _was _appropriate for the moment…but I'm gonna go to sleep now! Bye! **turns off the light**

~later that night~

(there is a knock on Ringo's…remaining door)

Ringo: **with a robe on he answers the door** yea, what do you want? 

(a lady that is pulling a very large cart says::)

Lady: here are your 700 boxes of chocolate covered mints that you ordered sir!

Ringo: **Looks at clock** IT IS 2 AM! why are you bugging me this late? I mean early!? No wait I was right the first time! No, no I wasn't…

Lady: you said you wanted them delivered tonight!

Ringo: well, come back tomorrow! 

Lady: it is tomorrow, sir.

Ringo: oh, bloody `ell… **slams door** **and yells out** YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! **goes back to bed**

~The next morning~

(The gang met up in the main lobby, Ringo is lugging around a big cart of chocolate covered mints, with a considerably lighter wallet. Everyone is standing around with his luggage.) 

Paul: Have a nice sleep everyone?

Ringo: NO!!! **whines**

John: Our car is waiting on us outside!

Duo: OK! Everyone! Out to the car!! ^-^!!

(they all walk out of the building to the main entrance where there are some reporters eager to talk to the Beatles…)

Reporter: what do you expect to find in Australia, boys?

John: Australians I should think!

Ringo: and little hoppy things!

Another Reporter: Paul! Why _are_ you going to Austalia?

Paul: didn't you watch 20/20 yesterday?

Another Reporter: no…why?

George: It said why we are going! **Jumps in car**

(A herd of girls comes around the corner of the building)

John: Oh, bloody 'ell…**Gets in car**

Paul: YESH! **Follows John**

Duo, Wufei, and Quatre: -_-`` **they get in the car**

John: Where's Ringo?

Ringo (outside talking to some girls): Yes, girls I'm available on Thursdays and Fridays!

Paul: Come on, Ringo!! **Pulls Ringo by the collar into the car**

Ringo: ow…what did you do that for?

George: he saved you, you shmuck!

(John reaches into his bag and pulls out the water-balloons, then he rolls down the window and throws the water-balloons at the girls standing outside the car)

Paul: …you are a sad sorry little person, yet you have my pity…

Ringo and George: yes…

~Later at an airport~

John: I don't like these New York airports….there are too many passage ways…

Duo: I agree…

Wufei: section ZZZ-79? **Looks up at a sign which says: A-1** that is Bull!

Quatre: we have to walk that far?

Paul: it looks that way…

Ringo: lets get going while we still can! **walks up to main desk, where there is a cute girl standing**

(John pushes his way through the boys and says::)

John: hello…

Lady: hello, sir! May I see your ticket?

John: yes, you may! **Show her his ticket**

Lady: well, I see you the 'ZZZ' section!

Ringo: where might that be, Miss?

Lady: well, just fallow the signs, **Points up to a big billboard that shows the way** and here are your canteens, and first AID kit! Good luck!

Paul: that's _really _assuring…

Wufei: **forcing a laugh** let's get going before the wolves get us!

Lady: oh that reminds me we _do_ have lions, tigers, and bears! Oh my!

Quatre: very funny…

Lady: I'm serious…

Duo: …ok…

Ringo: …let's go…**is trying to push everyone along, especially John who is glued to the cute girl** c`mon, John!

~3 days later~

John: **river-eyes** I told you I didn't like New York airports for a reason!

Paul: **with a torn sleeve and coat** I see what you mean, mate…

Duo: it bit my braid! **Cries, while trying to braid it back**

Quatre: oi…

Wufei: hurry up, we're gonna miss the flight! **runs over and gets on plane**

The Beatles: **they look at each other and say::** We know how that fells! **get on the plane**

Wufei: **Shrugs, then gets on the plane**

Duo: where's Quatre? 

Wufei: ?? why is it always me that ends up dragging someone somewhere? **Runs off the plane and grabs Quatre by the collar and drags him on the plane**

Quatre: **River eyes** meannie…

~12 hours later~

(They landed on the most western side of Australia)

Duo: why do they have to land here…then we somehow have to get to the most eastern side!

Wufei: oh well, better than having to walk…

Paul: I think we do have to walk…

John: oh bloody `ell…

Ringo: well, if we do, we still have those canteens, and I have a map of Australia and a compass…

Quatre: well we need to head east! It may be easiest to go along the ocean and follow it to Sidney…

George: he has a point, Sidney is on the coast…

Paul: ok! Let's go!

(They all start walking along the coast of the island, luckily they were all wearing light clothes, Duo, being the American he is, is in black shorts a Hawaiian over shirt that hangs open…oi…Quatre, with his usual quaky's made into shorts…but a red shirt with a black stripe…and Wufei, long black pants and a white shirt…how original…now that you know the pilots clothing lets go to the Beatles! Announcer Guy?

AG: Yes, Paul is in blue jeans with a white shirt and a red over shirt that has a pineapple on it! I remind you the Beatles used in this story are the era of Sgt. Peppers! A lovely one! Jack E. Chan?

JEC: yes and Ringo! Wearing a pair of baggy blue jeans and a wonderful white shirt! Joan A.?

JA: George! The silent guy is wearing nothing but his underwear!

Paul: Oh no your not!

George: I'm not!! Who wrote this thing?! **cries**

JA: sorry, can't I dream!?

John: …

JA: he actually wearing a pair of ripped blue jean shorts! ^-^! And a white shirt that is hanging open! **Drools**

George: save me…

John: it's not all that bad!!

Ringo: …

JA: Jack E. Chan?

JEC: Announcer Guy?

AG: Author?

Author: ok! And now for me favorite Beatle! JOHN!

John: Hey! Can I get your number??

Author: **Blushes** John is in a pair of Lee jeans that are ripped at the shin, he is also wearing a short sleeved shirt, that is hanging open, with a trendy light black vest! **Smiles**)

Wufei: that was very informative, yet very pointless…

Quatre: I agree…

Duo: ¬.¬`` ok…let's get on with the story before anything else happens…to George…

George: **Cries** it's not my fault! 

Paul: well, at least we don't have to see you walking along the beach in your knickers! 

John: **Trying to keep from laughing** yeah, that's a BIG relief!

Ringo: I'll say…

George: …-_-`` oi…

Duo: ¬.¬`` again…

Wufei: ok…now that you know the new faction trends, let's go!

All: gladly…

(they all continue walking)

~Meanwhile on the other side of the island…~

Leader Minstrel: NO! They've gotten onto the island! We must stop them somehow…what do you think Odd Job?

Odd Job: I suggest releasing the dinosaurs, master…**smiles from the shadows**

LM: nice thinking, my friend, I shall welease Bwian!

Odd Job: …ummm, sir?

LM: oh, sorry I mean…I shall release the T-rex! **laughs a deep, evil laugh**

(as the leader minstrel looks over his band of 50,000 soldier minstrels, he smiles. Then his eyes wonder to the three gundam pilots, and smiles widely when catching a glimpse of the Kool-Aid smiley faces drawn on the duck tape that covered their mouths)

(Miliardo and Trowa begin thinking to themselves: Why can't Heero find a way out of this?

Heero thinking to himself: Why can't I find a way out of this?)

LM: Release the monsters!

(Miliardo Trowa and Heero look up in concern for their friends…then a minstrel in the back of the warehouse pushes a big red button releasing the t-rex's)

~Back on the beach~

Quatre: well, at this rate it will take us a month to get to Sidney…

Duo: is that if we keep walking all day? Or if we stop for a few days?

Quatre: non-stop…but who knows it may take us months…

Ringo: oh……**looks up and sees a small hut** hey, what's that?

Paul: hmmm…looks like a hut to me…

John: we know that, you twit…

George: he means who lives there, I'm guessing…

Wufei: well, John, you're the one always bursting in on people, so be our guest!

John: why not?

(John walks over to the hut and knocks on the door, no answer, he opens the door. He finds millions of test tubs models of various contraptions, and weapons. Ringo and Paul then stick their heads in the door.)

Ringo: what's that? **as he points toward a glowing light in a back room, sparks begin to fly from the room**

Paul: what in the world…

(John begins to slowly walk toward the room as the rest of the gang enters the hut. As John walks closer to the door he can here voice say: 'YES! I have done it! The ultimate weapon!' Moving even closer to the door, John stops, suddenly the voice that John heard became a person, a short, plump, Hawaiian man (this was obvious because of the tan that he had and the shirt that he wore said, 'aloha, from a Hawaiian' on the back…John took a few small steps backward.)

The man: AH! Hello! I was expecting you! Come in, come in! I have a few things for you! That is, if you are they…

John: **nervously** t-they? 

The man: I am S! I was told that I may have some visitors from America?

Duo: we are from America…

S: but are you they?

Ringo: what the bloody `ell does that mean?!

S: AH! You are they! **He smiles as he looks around at the seven** I was told by Headquarters that four British men were coming along with an American an Arab and Chinese boy! You _have _to be they!

John: we must be…they…

Wufei: ho boy…

Paul: do you know all of our names?

S: a-no…I know the names…but not the people…

John: well, I'm John Len-

S: **covering Johns mouth** I know who you are, you're John Lennon! And they, **Nods at Paul, Ringo, and George** are the rest of the Beatles…

Duo: smart ain't ya?

S: and you must be Duo?

Duo: Yea! See you are smart!

Wufei: my name must be obvious…

S: AH! Chang!

Quatre: **Tying to keep from laughing** T-that's his last name…

S: it comes first on this list I was sent…**shows them a list of names**

Wufei: I Chinese…remember?

S: OH! Yes, I see! Wufei is you!

Wufei: yeah, Wufei is…me…

S: and the last remaining is Quatre!

Quatre: **Smiles** hello!

S: ok! Well, as I said I am S! And I am the official weapon creator for headquarters, and-

Duo: What happened to A-R? 

S: They either died or retiered…but, moving on- and I am here to arm you with weapons beyond your wildest dreams! First we have the 'Disintegration gun'! My newest and greatest invention! **he wheels out a cart that has a rather small gun on it**

Wufei: that's……it…

S: oh, this is no ordinary gun! Watch what it does! C'mon! Follow me! **He walks out side to he edge of the forest, looks around and sees a bore** watch what it does to this wild bore! **he fires the gun and the bore disintegrates**

John: @.@`` whoa…**looks at the steaming heap of ash on the forest floor**

Ringo: ouch

S: And I have seven of them! One for each of you! **Pulls out a bag of the Disit-guns**

Paul: nice…**Takes one**

(the rest of them take a gun)

Duo: thanks, I guess…

S: it was my pleasure! And oh, do watch your step! **Walks back to his hut and closes the door**

John: **beginning to walk off** Why would we need to watch out step? It's a beach, like there's gonna be a big sandpit or a big HOLYYYYYYY COW! **falls into a hole**

Paul: you all right, mate? **helps John out of the hole**

John: I'm fine but I don't think—oh my gentle Jesus…

(John and the rest are looking at what John fell into- what appeared to be dinosaur tracks…)

Duo: no way…t-that's impossible!

Ringo: **in a very nervous voice** d-don't be so sure of yourself, mate…**points at something BIG moving in the wood**

(The massive creature sees the boys, they stand frozen watching it, the creature comes out of the woods and stands, all 50 feet of it, in front of them, staring them all right at eye level. Just as the sun begins to set, two minuets latter, the t-rex slowly walks toward them. It seemed to be looking mostly at John, only because he was standing in front of them all, then the monster roared a high roar right at the faces of them all. It did nothing after that, it simply rose its head and turned away. The boys, seeing the opportunity, all take off running into the forest, the t-rex, not being _too_ dumb to relies the situation, takes off after them. The boys, being careful to run under only the smallest tree's to slow it down, see far in the distance four young boys, that appeared to be Kyle, Stan, Cartman, and Kenny…the South-park kids…The boys run by them with the T-rex gaining, but then the T-rex stopped in front of the kids, it looked at Kenny, licked it's lips, and ate him.)

Stan: Oh, my GOD! You killed Kenny!

Kyle: You {Censored}!

John: **Still running** poor little buggar…

Ringo: wait! We have a clear shot, and he's being distracted! 

Duo: YEAH! Let's do it! **Pulls out gun**

(James Bond music begins playing in background)

All: YEA! **They all raise their guns** 

John: READY…………AIM…………FIRE!!!!

(They all fire their disintegration guns at the dino, it shakes its head then disintegrates)

TO BE CONTINUED……


	8. And Now For Something Completely InsaneT...

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY INSANE!

Part 2: The Middle

Last time the boys had defeated just one of the Minstrels traps, what lies ahead for our hero's? Read and find out…

Ringo: **Still out of breath** well…I think a nap would do me a world of good…

John: **pant, pant** Yeah, really…**Plops himself down on a log behind him**

Duo: **lowers him gun** heh-…well…wasn't that fun?

Quatre: ummm…guys…where are we?

(They all turn to see what Quatre was talking about. As far as the eye could see, there was no ocean, no sand, only trees, and outback. They all agreed that they should stick together, just in case something more comes up as a trap. So, they continued to wander around the hot outback, untill…)

George: **trips over a camera mans legs, who is kneeling in the bushes** What in the bloody `ell!?

John: …you tripped over someone, twit…

Cameraman: you mind being quiet? I'm filming here! 

(Wufei moves the bushes so he can see what the man was filming, it appeared to be an episode of 'Survivor'…the last one…)

Paul: that is pathetic!

John: I'll say…

Ringo: lets keep moving! Leave them alone!

(They continue walking and then hours later, they past a small oasis, and the camp for the survivor show…a short while later…)

Wufei: **from behind a very sweaty face** any know what time it is?

Duo: nearly 7 PM…

Paul: should we rest here?

John: yes, please…

Ringo: well, I'm spent…**Sits down on and old tree stump**

George: **yawns** sleep is good…

Ringo: yeah, really…**the log he's sitting on and the land around it begins cracking** what in the bloody 'ell… **listens closely** you here that mates? Sounds like something's under the GROUND!!!

(The land which Ringo was sitting on caved in bringing with it Ringo, who was still hanging on to part of a root to keep from falling any further. One reason being because the bottom consisted of water and sharks…)

Ringo: this is just not my day…

John: no duh, mate… **Kneels down and try's to grab Ringo's hand** you're too far down!

Duo: Have you got something to stand on?

Ringo: Yeah, I got one foot on a root or something!

Wufei: OK!

George: we gotta find something to get him out of there with!

Paul: well, duh, Geo…

John: ok, I guess all of us should look for something…

Quatre: ok! We'll split up! 

Ringo: …**Cries** I want me mum!!

(They all split up in different directions, George, hurrying off in the direction they came, had a plan. He ran back to the camps they had past before, he hid in the bushes and saw the tribes from survivor having a tug of war. (Please don't flame me if they did have a tug of war in the show, it just had to happen…because…oh, you'll find out…) George then ran out of the bushes, grabbed the rope in between the two teams and said: 'TEAM BLUE WINS!' both the teams looked up in confusion, considering that there is no blue team. They let go of the rope and George ran off with it…)

(When George came back, everyone but him were there…)

Duo: George! Where did you get that!?

George: I have my ways…

Ringo: **Just as a shark bites for Ringo's leg::* WHA! GET ME OUT OF HERE! 

John: We're coming Ring! C'mon Geo, tie a loop at one end!

George: OK, ok! Keep your pants on!…for all our sake…**Ties a loop at one end, then hand it to Paul, who is standing closest to the hole**

Paul: Ok, Ring! Here!

(Paul throws the rope down to Ringo, he puts one foot in the loop and the boys pull him to safety…right before a shark bit the root out of the wall, which Ringo was holding on to…)

Ringo: **faints**

Wufei: that was appropriate…

Quatre: yeah, really **falls asleep**

Everyone else: agreed…**they all go to sleep**

~Back at Minstrel HQ (or MHQ)~

Leader Minstrel: DAMN! How is this possible?! They demolish my dinosaur! They sink my pit! GRRR! My plans!!

Odd Job: sir, may I suggest--**hold up a small blue gold carving of a scarab**

LM: Yes, my little buggy friends may do the job…**pulls out the 'Book Of The Dead'.**

~Back at the boys' camp site the next morning at 7 AM~

Duo: **Yawns while eating turkey jerky** you know, what's the difference between Turkey jerky and beef jerky?

Wufei: BEEF JERKY IS STRONGER! 

Duo: I mean…besides that…

Paul: I don't really think there is a difference, mate…

Duo: then how do they make turkey jerky?

John: It's really a simple process…

Ringo: oh, _you_ know how to make turkey jerky??

John: Yes, as a matter of fact, I do!

George: …

John: see, what you do, is you take a really good piece of meat…and then a New York City cab driver sits on it for three months!

Paul: **laughs** heh-oh, really?

Duo: ^-^`! Good joke…

John: I'm serious…

Duo: …**puts down the jerky**

Wufei: let's get going before Duo gets sick…

Quatre: …**Whispers to John** is that how they really make it??

John: **Smiles evilly** Yes…

George: I guess I'll bring along this rope…you never know when Ringo's gonna fall in another hole!

Ringo: e-heh…

Paul: oh, boy…

~Later…~

(they somehow made it back to the beach, and to S's hut…)

S: did the guns do ok?

Duo: yeah!

Wufei: heh-fun…

S: I'm glad you like them, they are yours to keep!

All: YEAH!

S: and I have another gadget for you…a BMW V-8, the finest car on the market…**Pulls a sheet off of a VERY nice looking black car**

Paul: Cool beans!

S: this is no ordinary car, boys…this car is equipped with…a hell of a lot of stuff…just watch James Bond…

Duo: …you're really helpful… 

S: Just push the various buttons and they will do various things!

Wufei: like what?

S: well, missiles may fly out, tranquilizers, machine gun, and a _very_ high tech alarm system!

Ringo: Nice alarm system?

S: when the alarm system is on, the car cannot be damaged in any way shape or form…not even a bazooka could hurt this baby…and if anyone tries to open it they will be shocked with a wave of electric current! 

John: convenient…

S: Oh! And I also made a special modification just for you! Just look in the trunk…

John: OK! 

(John walks to the back of the car, touches the handle, and gets shocked…his hair standing on end…)

John: Ow… **flattens down hair** you did that on purpose!

S: oh, sorry…**Turns off alarm system**

John: …¬.¬`` 

(John opens the trunk and finds three brand new guitars each one embroidered in pure silver with the names John, Paul, and George…Johns for some reason had something in it…a pack of matches…)

S: sorry, my cat smokes…nasty habit…

John: Right…**puts the matches in his pocket**

George: and what's this? You put a can of gasoline in the trunk?

S: for when you run out of gas! 

George: there isn't enough gas here to power a motorcycle around the outside of a penny! **holds up a can about the size of his own hand, then puts it in his pocket**

S: well, you never know…

(Then a new drum set for Ringo was visible. The drums had pure silver rims, and on the two side drums that stuck out it said Ringo Starr, with lots of stars around his name)

Ringo: That's bloody sweet! **picks up drumsticks**

John: **Smiles** thank you! 

Paul: yeah! You remembered that I needed a left-handed guitar! ^-^!

George: I'm gonna copy John… **Smiles** thank you!

John: …o…k…

Duo: a man and his instrument…**sweat-drop**

Wufei: …it's a sad, sad day…

Quatre: it's isn't all that disgusting! 

Wufei and Duo: ¬.¬``

Ringo: I'm _so _happy! **puts drumsticks back in trunk and closes it**

The Beatles: ………………………………………

Ringo: what?!

John: nothing, nothing!

S: oh, and I did make a few adjustments to the car other than weapons and gadgets like that…

Wufei: what did you do to it??

S: I gave it a removable roof! **opens the car door and pushes a button, the roof of the car vanishes** 

Duo: ^-^! A convertible!!

All: -_-`` 

George: **Throws rope in the back of the car** well, lets go!!

John OK! I'll drive!

Duo: SHOT-

Paul: SHOTGUN!

Duo: damn it…

John: hey you got to drive it the whole time in the other series!

Duo: **cries** but I wanted to drive!

Wufei: no, you get stuck in traffic too easy…

Quatre: and you get lost easy, too!

Duo: **while trying to hold back his anger** ok…fine, I'll sit in the back…

S: you're lucky that those seats are wide enough! Four people can comfortably fit in the back and three in the front! 

Paul: hmm…people reading this were getting scared we were going to put George in the trunk, weren't ya?

George: …why you…**Grumble, grumble…then gets in car**

(They all scramble for a moment trying to decide who would sit in the middle in the front, Wufei won the 'Paper, Rock, Scissors' game so he sat in the front then everyone else sat in the back…)

S: OK! **opens the hanger at the back of the hut**

John: He-he-he! **drives off onto the beach**

S: they are gonna get themselves killed…**Closes hanger and walks back to his lab shaking his head**

~A few hours later on the beach~

Duo: …you here that?

Paul: **listens closely in concern** Yeah…hey, John, stop the car.

John: -k-…**Stops the car and turns off the engine**

Wufei: what is that sound?

Quatre: …sounds like crickets…or some kind of bug…

George: …si…

Ringo: ……**looking into the woods** oh, bloody `ell…not again…

George: …it's some kind of black bug…

John: yeah…**Gets out of car** a damn big swarm of them!

(the rest of the boys get out of the car to get a better look)

John: just so the car will be safe…**puts alarm system on car**

Paul: yeah, worry about the car…forget about our safety…

Ringo: **Sweat-drop**

George: I'll get the rope! **Gets rope out of back seat** 

Duo: Do you think Ringo's gonna fall in another hole??

George: I dunno, you never know when you might need a little rope…

Wufei: …

Quatre: they're getting closer!

Wufei: HEY! Wait a sec…I've seen this movie. The Chinese dude dies first!

Paul: Very funny…

John: actually, I've seen this movie…and those things are afraid of fire…

George: …**Looks at rope in deep thought, then gets an idea** Quick, guys, get in a circle with your backs to each other!

(Immediately, the boys get in a big circle, leaving a space for George. George then made a circle with the rope around them, pulled out the gasoline from his pocket, poured it all onto the rope, and then asked:)

George: John?? Do you still have those matches??

John: yeah! **Pulls out the matches and throws them to George**

George: OK! **Gets in the circle then lights a match and throws it at the rope**

(The rope bursts into flames just as the scarabs come herding out of the wood. They surround the fire that George made, and cannot penetrate it.)

Duo: **sweating from the heat** What…now genius?

George: I'm working on it…

(Suddenly the sky goes an aerie colour of black, the fire goes out and the scarabs turn into little blue gold carvings.)

Wufei: What in the world…

Paul: my thoughts exactly…**moves forward**

George: All my plans work out perfectly!

John: …well, I do admit you did save us, but you certainly didn't do _that_…**Points at the millions of scarabs frozen in blue gold**

George: sure I did! I just…I just………I dunno…

Ringo: well, let's get going…**Walks over to the car, touches the handle, and gets shocked by the security system** John…you mind, mate? **Flattens hair**

John: not my fault! I told you it was on!

Ringo: …oh, please, just turn it off…

Paul: stop that bitching you two…

John and Ringo: yes, master… **John turns off system and everyone gets in**

(They continue driving along the cost and everyone falls asleep…accept John…)

John: oh bloody `ell

~Back at MHQ~

LM: NOOO!!! NOT AGAIN! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!

Odd Job: I do not know, sir…**takes the 'Book Of The Dead' from the Leader Minstrel** the spell put on the scarabs is none-reversible, sir…I-I don't know how this could have happened!

LM: Oh, I have an idea of how it happened…and in the future…it will not happen…

Odd Job: sir?

LM: never mind…just I have a job for you Odd Job…

(Everything falls into a whisper between Odd Job and the Leader Minstrel.)

~The next morning at the boys' camp, somewhere on the outside of Brisbane, a city about 450mi north of Sydney (Sorry is I spelled it as 'Sidney' before…)~

(As they all walks towards a small bar)

John: **Talking to Duo** want any jerky? **smiles**

Duo: …no thanks…**backs away from it**

Wufei: **laughs**

Paul: you are very cruel, John…

John: Yes, I know…

Ringo: what do you suppose they have at that bar?

George: I dunno…

Quatre: food, one should hope…

Duo: …duh…but it's no Denny's diner…

(When they made it to the bar…)

John: **To the bar tender** I'll have a martini…shaken, not stirred…

Bar Tender: this early in the morning? Pal, are you sure? It could kill you!

John: my middle name is Danger…

Paul: **who has been listening in; looks over John's shoulder at the bar tender** actually, his middle name is Winston…

John: **Face turns red with anger** shut…up…_James…_

Paul: DON'T CALL ME THAT!

(for non-Beatles fans Paul's full name is James Paul McCartney and John's is John Winston Lennon…yikes…)

Bar Tender: …ok…fine…here's your martini, sir…oh, and the man down at the other end of the bar said that he would pay for it…

John: **Glasses slid down the bridge of his nose** really…**Looks down at the other end of the bar and sees a man (it is Odd Job…but John and the others don't know that…))**

John: hey, boys…get a loud of that guy…**nods down at him**

Ringo: he's got a nice hat…

George: **hits Ringo upside the head** twit…

Wufei: oi…what about him, John?

Duo: What? Do you think he poisoned you drink or something?

Paul: …**whispering to John** didn't he buy that drink for you?

John: yeah…

Quatre: **with his head in between Paul and John conversation** I wouldn't drink it…

John: …are you always this persistent? 

Duo: yes…

Quatre: …-_-``

Paul: I wouldn't either though, John, if I were you…

John: ummm…Bar Tender? Could you take this back? I'll have some scrambled eggs instead!

BT: sure…**He takes the martini back to the back of the bar…the martini blows up, killing the Bar Tender…**

Duo: **looking over the bar to see what happened** maybe you should of gotten it stirred… 

John: where's my scrambled eggs??

Paul: **Rolls eyes** C`mon, guys, there has to be a better place than this…

All: Ok…

(they walked out of the bar…Odd Job fellows…they walk over to the car and Odd Job stands outside the bar door)

Wufei: how do you suppose we get rid of him?

John: There has to be something on this car that can do the job…I just gotta find it! *Pushes a button**

(Suddenly a laser comes out of the top of the car and fires a laser beam up into the sky)

Odd Job: well that didn't work…**Pulls out a chair**

Ringo: what the bloody `ell?  
Odd job: DIE YOU NINNIES! **Throws a bunch of chairs at them**

John: OH BLOODY `ELL! **Jumps behind car and puts the alarm system on**

(The rest of them get behind the car as well)

Paul: there's got to be something we could throw at him!

John: I'm working on it! **Pushing buttons randomly** they all do attacks from the front! **John pushes another button and a canon ball goes flying out of the tail pipe, hits Odd Job in the head and kills him**

Quatre: that's not a very pretty site…

Duo: …@.@ wow! COOL BEANS!

Wufei: damn it…and I was going to throw a pineapple at him…

All: …

(They all get in the car and they start driving to Sydney)

Paul: what are we gonna do?

Ringo: I don't know, but I want me mum!

John: all's I know is that we have to get to Sydney before something bad happens…

TO BE CONTINUED… 

PLEASE R&R! ^-^!


	9. And Now For Something Completely Insane ...

And Now For Something Completely Insane!

Part 3: The End

Last time Ringo fell in a hole, Odd Job was killed, and some unexplained things happened! All your questions will be answered in the final episode of insanity! 

(Where we last left our boys…)

Wufei: what do you mean, 'before something bad happens'? 

Duo: yeah, lots of bad things have already happened!

Paul: I think he meant before something _really_ bad happened…

Quatre: oh…

George: well…from here it's about 400 miles to Sydney…that could take a day or so…

Ringo: There should be a button that would make us go faster…

John: Let's find out! **Pushes a button; the laser comes out and shots into the sky again** oops…ummm…how about this one…**suddenly the car stops…**

Duo: that button did a world of good…

Ringo: I'll say…

George: So…what are we gonna DOOOO!!

(The car suddenly went speeding off along the sand of the beach. John, who was hanging onto the wheel for dear life, was trying hard to not hit the people that were sitting on the beach…)

Ringo: **yells** Shut-----it-----off!!

Paul: **yells back to Ringo** I---don't---know---how!!

Wufei: …Try—the—big—red—button—that—says—'STOP'!!

Paul: OH! RIGHT! **Pushes the button**

(the car stops)

John: Oh…me head…

Ringo: me bum hurts…

Paul: …**sees smoke coming from the engine** oh, bloody `ell…**gets out of car**

Duo: do we have ant tools?

Quatre: Look! **looking under the seat** here's some! 

Wufei: ok…I guess we have to get to work!!

John: by the way…where are we?

Paul: **looks over at a sign** that sign says Port Macquarie…

Quatre: if my navigation sills are correct…then we're only 187 ½ miles away from Sydney!

~Back at MHQ~

Leader Minstrel: WHAT???!!! They killed Odd Job, _and_ they traveled 262 and ½ miles in 3 SECONS???!!! How is this possible?!?!?!  
(A woman walks into the room with a man following her)

Woman: Sir, this is your replacement for Odd Job…**the man steps out from behind her** his name is Cold Finger…

Cold Finger: I am here to serve…

LM: what do you do?

Cold Finger: Sir?

LM: How do you attack people?

Cold Finger: Oh, I shall show you, sir! **He turns around to the woman that led him there, touched her on the hand with him finger; which was ice blue, and the woman was frozen like a statue**

LM: hmmm… handy little thing… 

Cold Finger: thank you sir…

LM: Now…all I have to do…is wait for them to get here…then…they will be frozen in my grasp! **puts Darth Vader Helmet on; starts breathing like him** Hooooo…..heeeeeeee…….hoooooooo….heeeeeeee…..hoooooo….hee **Cough** GAH! **takes off helmet** I can't breath in this thing!! **Throws it away**

~Back on the beach…~

Duo: **while wiping sweat off his head** there! 

Ringo: where did that sweat come from? It's the middle of the night! 

Duo: Just for the effect!

John: …well…is that all that needs to be done?

Quatre: well, yes…it is seems we can set the car on the amount of miles we need to go…

Wufei: how far was that again?

Quatre: 187 ½…

Paul: it doesn't have a setting for ½! 

Quatre: set it for 187 then! We can run ½ mile!

George: Right! **sets a little gage on 187** all set!

Duo: **shuts the hood and gets in car** woohoo! Sydney! Here we come!

Paul: Right…

John: **puts on seat belt** well…it does go damn fast…

Ringo: good idea…**puts seat belt on**

John: Everyone ready?

All: YEA!

John: ok! **pushes the button from before and the car goes zooming off to Sydney**

(2 seconds later)

Paul: …weee…**Is dizzy**

John: well, we're here! 

Quatre: we just gotta walk a little further…

Ringo: right…

John: I'll park the car in the trees so it won't be seen and I'll put the alarm on it!

(a half hour later…) 

Duo: why is this taking so long?

George: I think because we don't know the way…but we're there…see? **Points at a sign that said: 'Welcome to Sydney! The home of the Minstrels Hide Out!'**

Paul: now, that's just stupid…

Ringo: I agree…

Wufei: hey, it says where it is too! About 20 feet from this billboard?!

(They all go around the side of the billboard and see the minstrel HQ)  
John: that was convenient…

Quatre: yeah…

(They all walk up to the MHQ and knock on the door…no answer…they open the door and see it was disserted…they walked in and looked around, no one was found…but then after a few minutes of searching::)

Duo: Guys! I found them! **Opens a curtain to reveal Milliardo, Trowa, and Heero**

Heero: It's a trap you numb skull! 

Milliardo: Get out of here!!

Quatre: We're not leaving without you three!

George: Here! Hurry! **Throws a knife to Duo, who begins cutting away at the rope holding them to the chairs**

Trowa: You need to get out of here before you get yourselves killed!

Duo: Hang on! I almost got it! **Cuts the last rope**

Heero: Now, let's get out here!!

All: Right! **They all start running toward the door; but then a big net scoops up Heero, Trowa and Milliardo**

Ringo: God damn it…

Trowa: just get out of here!

Paul: …alright…*runs toward the door with the others following**

(As they are about to go through the doors they are slammed shut by two of the solider minstrels…)

Wufei: this won't end well…

George: no…it won't…

(They all turn just in time to see The Leader Minstrel and Cold Finger coming from the shadows)

LM: well…well…well…looks like we caught a few fish in our net!

Heero: **death glare**

LM: I'm afraid that that little glare of yours can't help you now…

Milliardo: **rolls eyes**

LM: well, now…and look what else we caught! Intruders…

Paul: intruding isn't as bad as kidnapping…

LM: oh….that hurt! But I'm sure that this will hurt you more than it will hurt me…**pushes a button and the floor begins to open into a tank filled with liquid hot magma** 

John: OH SHIT!

Paul: that was uncalled for…

Ringo: **cries** I want me mum…

George: So do I!

~Meanwhile…millions of miles above the earth~

(you see a Laser beam flying into space; the laser beam that John accidentally shot in the last episode……it hits a satellite and goes flying back to earth; just by chance it goes flying down to the MHQ and…)

~back down on earth~

Cold Finger: **Sees the laser beam and holds his finger in the air; the laser beam become frozen and falls on top of the LM knocking him down** HAHAHA! I have done it!

John: hey! The floor stopped moving!

LM: YOU MADE ME FALL ON THE REMOTE! YOU BLOCK HEAD!

Cold Finger: I'm sorry master…but its better than being zapped…

LM: I DON'T CARE! **pushes Cold Finger into the open part of the floor**

Cold Finger: Ouchies… **Dies**

Ringo: I'll say…

LM: And now! **looks up at the seven** to finish you off! **Pulls a gun out**

~Back in outer space…~

(the other beam that was fired does the same as the first and goes plummeting back down to the MHQ)

~Back to earth…again~

LM: **Looks up and sees the laser beam** Oh…damn…**gets hit and falls into the liquid hot magma**

George: now, _that_ was lucky…

John: thanks to me, we are saved! 

Duo: well…

Wufei: I guess…

Quatre: it's true…

Paul: now he's gonna be full of himself the rest of the night…

Ringo: we gotta get over there! **Points to the other side of the floor and jumps across it**

John: ^-^!!!!!!!! **Jumps across**

Paul: oh, no…**jumps across**

Duo, Wufei, Quatre and George: …ALIUP! **They all jump across**

Duo: **looking up at Trowa Heero and Miliardo** this may hurt you guys a little more than it hurts me! **Cuts a rope that is holding up the net they are in; they fall to the ground**

Trowa, Heero, and Miliardo: thanks…………we think…**rubs head**

George: there's still something I don't understand…

Ringo: …everything?

George: nooo…how did all those bugs disappear?

(a pineapple appears)

Quatre: AHHH! Not you again!

Duo: …ooooookkkkkkkkk…

Pineapple: I can answer that question… 

John: sure you can…

Pineapple: **Stares evilly at John** you have to go back in time boys!

All: ?????????????????????

Pineapple: let me spell it out for you! **pulls down a poster that has everything that happened** OK this is what happened and happens! First you got saved, by who knows what on the beach from the scarabs, then you finally make it here kill the Leader Minstrel and his side kick…after that in the future, you go back in time with the ' Book Of The Dead', and you put a spell on the scarabs that is none-reversible…like my raincoat…

Heero: ok…

Miliardo: that made absolutely no sense…

Ringo: yes it did…

John: Yeah, I understand!

George: Me too!

Paul: me…four!

Duo: why is it always them? THEY ALWAYS UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING!!!  
Wufei: oh…and you do?

Quatre: **laughs**

Trowa: …the 'Book Of The dead' would that by chance be this **Hold up a big book he found lying on the ground** 

Pineapple: YEA! Microwave!

John: what does a Microwave have to do with anything?

Pineapple: …nothing…

Paul: …you frighten me…

Pineapple: great to hear it!

Ringo: loon…

Pineapple: just turn the book to page 7…and do any of you read ancient Egyptian?

Ringo &George: **Raises hand**

John: Since when??

Ringo: Since I went to school!

Paul: oi…

Pineapple: Well…good luck! **Pushes a button and a light glows around Ringo and George** have fun! **they disappear**

Paul: ?????

John: ditto…

Wufei: …so what do w do?

Pineapple: We eat PIZZA! **pulls out a pizza**

All: YEA!

Duo: so, what time and place did they get sent to?

Pineapple: Well, the spot they were standing a second ago, and the time would be yesterday, about two hours before the scarab encounter…

John: THE SAME PLACE??

Paul: oh, no…

(They all look around in the empty warehouse…)

Trowa: ummm, when they released the scarabs, it wasn't empty in here…

All: oh, crap…

~Back in the past~ 

Ringo: **While running from millions of Minstrels** THAT STUPID PINEAPPLE!

George: I'LL KILL 'IM!! **Running right behind Ringo**

Ringo: Look! **Points at a ridge** If we can make it over, maybe we can loose them!  
George: I'm up for anything right now!

(They both run over to the ridge and jump; it's ends up there wasn't any ground on the other end of the ridge…)

Ringo: this may not end well…**Falls down into the river at the bottom**

George: …you are a twit… **Falls after Ringo**

(They go falling off the ledge which was about 20 feet above a large river. They hit the water; but luckily George still had the book)  
~Later~

Ringo: I'm still drenched…

George: oh, and I'm not?

Ringo: well, you know what I mean…

George: It was your idea, genius…

Ringo: well, thank you…

George: **Looking back** looks like we won't see them again…

Ringo: **Looks back** Yeah, really…

George: how are we gonna find the hut?

Ringo: I dunno…**THUMP; runs into the hut** I found it…

George: **still looking backwards** you did? **runs into it to** oh, so did I!

Ringo: what was it? About an hour that way? **points in the directions of tier tracks**

George: Lead the way…after all you ARE the smart one…

Ringo: …yeah…

~An hour later~

Ringo: Look! It's…us…

George: we'd best get in the bushes…

Ringo: Right.

(They both get into the bushes and watch the incident as it happened. Just after the Past George lit the rope on fire, the future Ringo and George read the first incantation from the book: the sky turned dark. They read the second incantation: the fire goes out. They read the their incantation: the scarabs turn to carvings…)

Ringo: now what do we do?

George: we have to get back to the MHQ…

Ringo: right…we can ummm…get in the trunk!

George: ?! What?!

Ringo: it's the only way!

~When the car stopped in Sydney~

(All the stuff happened that I said happened at the beginning and then they get out of the trunk)

Ringo: I think it's ok now…**walks up to the MHQ door and opens it just in time to see himself and George being transported back in time**

Duo: that was quick…

John: what happened?

Ringo: you lived it…

George: yeah, really…

~Later~

(The Beatles got the instruments out of the back of the car and begin playing a song! You might laugh at the lyrics, but it's a good song!! ^-^!)

John: o/` I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. 

See how they run like pigs from a gun see how they fly, 

I'm cryen`.

Sitting on a cornflake—waiting for the van to come.

Corporation teashirt, stupid bloody Tuesday

man you been a naughty boy

you let your face grow long.

I am the eggman, they are the eggmen—I am the walrus GOO GOO GOO JOOB.

Mr. city policeman sitting pretty little policeman in a row,

see how they fly like Lucy in the sky—see how they run

I'm crying—I'm crying I'm crying.

Yellow matter custard dripping from a dead dogs eye.

Crabalocker fishwife pornographic priestess

boy you been a naughty girl, 

you let knickers down.

I am the eggman, they are the eggmen –I am the walrus. GOO GOO GOO JOOB

Sitting in an English waiting for the sun,

If the sun don't come, you get a tan from standing in the English rain.

I am the eggman, they are the eggmen—I am the walrus GOO GOO GOO JOOB.

Expert texpert choking smokers don't you think the joker laughs at you? HOHOHO HEHEHE HAHAHA!

See how they smiles, like pigs in a sty, see how they snied.

I'm crying.

Semolina pilchard climbing up the Eiffel Tower. Elementry penguin singing Hare Krishna man you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allen POE.

I am the eggman, they are eggmen—I am the walrus GOO GOO GOO JOOB 

GOO GOO GOO JOOB GOO GOO GOOOOOOOOOOOJOOOOOB! o/` 

Duo: …**stares** that song was…different… 

Miliardo: yyyyup…

John: Why thank you!

Paul: **Comes up behind John** I helped…

John: yeah…

Ringo: WEE!! That was fun!

Pineapple: BRAVO! BRAVO! 

Quatre: Where did you come from?!

Pineapple: I just came back to…to…umm…I'm not getting any transmission…

George: …got anymore Pizza? Ringo and me didn't get any…

Pineapple: NO!

Trowa: …

Heero: I say let's kill him…

Wufei: naw…

John: **Smiles evilly** Anyone up for Pineapple football??

Ringo: YEA!

(everyone begins kicking the pineapple into the distance)

!DNE EHT

Author: ?! What's wrong with the ending title?!

Rasid: sorry…

THE END!

Author: Well, there you have it! The boys all ended up ok…they did what they had to do and succeeded! And now for my very long and funny disclaimer…

Disclaimer: I do not own the following things…: Mission: Impossible; James Bond; the Mummy; Jurassic Park; Dune; The Wizard of Oz; The Beatles; Gundam Wing; A-1 Bull; New York Air Ports; Sydney, Australia; Lee Jeans---

~A week later~

Author: Hawaii; Sgt. Peppers; Magical Mystery Tour; 'I am The Walrus'; Jackie Chan; Monty Python; Kool-Aid; Bobby Knight; Austin Powers; City Slickers; BMW V-8's; Survivor; 20/20; South park; and I do NOT own Gundam Wing: And the Old Hag! …wait…scratch that last one…

All: **snore**

Author: …well, be sure to look for 'Gundam Wing: And The Old Hag Bloopers behind the scenes and cut scenes'! BYE!! 

Please R&R! ^-^! Hope you liked it!


	10. BLOOPERS!

BLOOPERS!:

(At the hole that Ringo fell into)

Ringo: ummm…guys…my foot is slipping…GUYS?! **Falls into the water** 

John: oops…

(At S's Hut when he was giving them the car)

S: Here it is! The finest car on the market! **Pulls the sheet off of a bike built for seven**

Paul: uh, no…

(when Paul was throwing the water-balloons at the old people)

Paul: **throws a balloon over the side**

Old lady: Oh! My hip! **Falls down**

Paul: maybe I shouldn't of filled them with…sand…

(when they first got the car)

John: **Driving really fast along the beach then hits a tree**

Duo: I knew I should have been driving…

Author: Oh, great…do you know how much one of those cost, John?!

(When they were in the circle of fire surrounded by scarabs)

(the sky turned black the fire went out and the boys were eaten alive)

Author: WHAT! THAT'S NOT IN THE SCRIPT!! 

John: no…

Wufei: …

(when the dinosaur stopped in front of the South Park kids)

(the dinosaur sniffed Kenny; licked him; then ate Cartman)

Author: CUT!!

(when they were trying to decide who was going to sit where in the car; they were playing chess)

John: Checkmate! I get to drive!

Duo: blast…

(when they were discussing Jerky)

Duo: what's the difference between turkey jerky and beef jerky?

Wufei BEEF JERKY IS STRONGER!

(A turkey runs up and punches Wufei in the face)

Author: …CUT!

(When George was watching the Spanish soap opera and after John threw the water-balloon at him)

George: Thanks…I needed that mate…**Turns channel**

(John walks out)

George: **Puts the Spanish soap Opera back on**

(when the Beatles were performing at the end…)

(A trap door opens and Paul's Grandfather came out; then George grabs him and throws him off stage)

Ringo: he's very clean…-_-;;

(At the very beginning when the tape is talking to the boys)

Tape: Good morning Angels!

All: Good morning Charlie!

Author: …CUT, CUT, CUT!!!

(Before the man on the tape at the beginning said "Boom…")

Tape: BOOM!!!!! **The tape recorder blows up in their faces**

John: Bloody tape…

Author: ?! I THOUGHT I SAID NO REAL FIRE ARMS ON THE SET!!!!

(when the car went speeding off for the first time)

Ringo: SHUT IT OFF!

John: I DON'T KNOW HOW!!

(Suddenly the car went flying off to the moon…)

Author: …oh, great…now I have to get ANOTHER BMW V-8…**Cries**

(When John threw the water-balloons at the girls standing outside the car; which was getting ready to take them to the air port)

Girls: AHHH!! THAT'S COLD!! **they all throw bricks at John**

John: I hate girls who carry bricks in their purses… **rubs forehead**

Author: …Someone get an ice pack! 

(when S was giving them the car…take 2)

S: here it is! The finest car on the market! **Pulls the sheet off of a hot wheels model of a BMW V-8…**

John: and we're all supposed to fit in that thing?

Author: S!!! …CUT! Take 3!

BLOOPERS/CUT SCENES!:

(At the Bar where John got the Martini…)

Author: OK! Bartender! What you do is you slide the glass down to John. And John………please catch it…

John: right!

(TAKE ONE)

(The Bartender Slides the glass down and it falls off the counter before it gets to John)

John: Not my fault!

Bar tender: **Grumble, grumble**

(TAKE TWO)

(the Bar Tender does the same thing but this time it goes all over Johns pants and shoes…)

John: ……

Author: uggg…go change, John, and we'll do it again…

(TAKE THREE)

(The BT does the same…again, but this time throw it too hard, it hits the rim of the counter, flies up and hits John in the nose)

John: I think I swallowed my gum…**Cough, cough…**

Bar tender: Oops…I…I…

Author: YOU'RE FIRED! Bring in the other Bar tender!

(TAKE FOUR)

(The new BT slides the glass down so hard that the glass shatters when it has contact with John's hand)

John: BLOODY!

Author: What?

John: ME HAND IS BLOODY!!! **cries while waving his left hand in pain**

Author: …CALL THE PARAMEDICS!

Ringo: can we just skip this part…

Author: that's the best suggestion I've ever heard…

ORIGNAL STORYLINE!:

The Beatles and the three remaining gundam pilots are sent by someone to save Heero Trowa and Miliardo. Stuff happens and they finally save them and bring them back to the place that they were in the first place and everything is back to normal!

Ringo: Wow! How original…

Paul: -_-`` oi…

Author: …it was the rough, rough, rough, rough draft!!

John: Oh sure…

Duo: That's what they all say…

Wufei: -_-`````


End file.
